What I Learned From the Worst Week of College Yet

Heyy friends!!!😁 I haven’t written on here in a while, and for that I apologize. If I’m completely honest, the past week school has consumed almost all of my time and energy 😵‍💫

Like the title alludes to, college has been anything but easy lately 🥲

Let me give you a glimpse into “the worst week of college yet.” Sounds a bit dramatic I know, but hey it caught your attention and now your here reading the blog ;)

Last Monday, I had two exams✏️ The first was a psychology exam in the morning, and the second was a chemistry exam in the afternoon. Both of them I had spent the whole weekend studying for. I was confident I would do well on the psychology one, as the test just consisted of concepts I had to memorize. However, chemistry was something I was more nervous about.

Nevertheless, I figured I would do alright seeing as that I had gotten tutoring the night before. I tried to maintain a positive attitude.

Unfortunately, the test ended up going very bad. The reason being? I struggle with critical thinking sometimes 😬 I’m definitely a gal who likes tests I can memorize the answers for. I live for study guides, and I love knowing what type of questions will be on the test.

Well, I got to the test, and I knew none of it. I recognized the terms, yet had no idea how to work out the problems because I had not completed enough practice problems.

In a panic, I worked out the problems I could and then wound up running out of time.

Once the test closed, both my sister and I looked at each other with fear.

“I do not even want to look at my score,” I told her.

Of course, Breanna immediately told me that I had to, so I did.

What did I see? The worst grade I have ever received. & My sister received the same on her end.

And the worst part? Even though I was nervous before the exam, I had studied more for this test more than I had the other ones.

I immediately called my mom and told her the news. She was shocked as well.

My sister and I were crushed.

And unfortunately we did not handle the situation as best as we could have.

We spent the week in panic, wondering what we would do, wondering if we would pass the class, wondering what would happen if we failed, wondering if we should change our major, wondering if we were smart enough to be here.

Our minds ran crazy.

During our Wednesday Chem class, our teacher informed us that we would get to take the exam again- but only for partial credit this time.

So we kicked it in high gear, worked late hours with our tutor, and took the exam again to receive a higher grade. Still bad, but better.

LUCKILY, he put our exam grades in on Saturday morning, and we are passing the class!!!

Let me tell you, I am not usually the type of person that only wants to pass a class, but when I heard the news I WAS PRAISIN THA LORD 🙌

Still, I was left with sense of regret of how I handled the situation.

I didn’t tackle it with faith. 

I didn’t work out of a place of peace. 

I doubted if I was really where God wanted me. 

I doubted if He was going to provide for me. 

I was consumed with fear. 

If you knew me in high school, you know academics have always been important to me. In fact, before this year anything lower than a 95 would have rocked my world, and now I’m struggling to even pass one of my classes? That just shows what a journey college is.

But what God has really been teaching is the real danger that happens when you base your identity in anything other than Him.

Like I said, I struggle with valuing extrinsic rewards, like grades and praise from people, over God’s Word.

& If you’re honest, you probably do too.

Life is so funny sometimes. I can remember being in high school like it was yesterday. I spent so much time daydreaming about college and what it would be like.

I thought all my problems would be solved.

Boy, was I wrong.

And now that I’m finally in college, I find myself longing for the day I’m finally done with school.

So silly right?

That’s when I have to stop and remind myself that no season is devoid of challenges.

The truth is that when my schooling is finally over, there will be something else threatening to steal my peace.

Let me tell you a funny story.

In high school, I always told myself things like “If this happens for me, then I can do anything.”

Here’s a few examples to illustrate.

“If I win Homecoming Queen, then I can do anything.” 
“If my team wins the State FFA Forage Contest, then I can do anything.”
“If I am able to finally graduate high school, then I can do anything.”

Moral of the story, I attributed power to myself and my ability to overcome what I viewed as intense challenges.

It’s not bad to look back at past experiences to glean hope ( I actually encourage this), but as I look across my room at my Homecoming crown, down at my finger wearing my State Champion Forage ring, and beside me at my high school diploma, I’m reminded that is not where my strength comes from at all.

Sure, those things are nice, but nothing material is eternal.

Humanity is always hungry for more, and sadly I fall under that category.

My strength comes from above.

Period. End of story.

And it’s so important that I remind myself of that every chance I get.

I have found that college is very loud.

It seems like every aspect of life is begging for your attention.

Maybe you feel the same way right now.

If you are, can I ask you something? 

What are you so afraid of losing?

A good future? Jeremiah 29:11 says God has a GOOD plan for us.

Your value? Matthew 10:31 says to Fear not. We have more value than the sparrows, and God provides their every need.

Acceptance? Ephesians 1:4 says He chose us as His children before the foundation of the world.

I’ll be honest, I contemplated saving writing this post until Christmas break- until, after I knew everything was going to be okay for sure. But I think there is beauty here.

There is beauty in vulnerability.

I personally appreciate when people have the courage to be brutally honest. Because the truth is, life isn’t always picture perfect. Most of the time it’s actually more beautifully broken than anything.

I’ll leave you with this.

Never convince yourself that your flaws could somehow overpower God’s sovereign plan for you. 

If you made it all the way down here, ily!!!

If you are going through it, rest in knowing you're def not alone.

& If you think about it, pray for some divine favor regarding me & bre’s school work ;)

Love you big & praying over the people who actually read this 💖🥰

• Bailee!!