What I Learned During My First Year of College

Hey friends! Long time, no see. Despite my best intentions, the second semester of college got the best of me, and I had to put the blog on the back burner.

This space doesn’t deserve nearly the time and attention that I wish it did, so my prayer is that the Lord would help me make room for writing in every season of my life because the truth is- I love it. Writing helps me process my emotions in a way that hopefully helps others, but also helps myself.

With that being said, it’s time to celebrate because finals are OVER, and my first semester of college is COMPLETE, which is willddddd.

For so long, college was just a distant thought. An end goal that was my “why” behind all of the time and effort I poured into my school work and extracurricular activities.

In high school, some people would tease me or question why I felt the need to keep pursuing more accomplishments and awards. On more than one occasion, I got asked “Don’t you have enough?”

The truth is some days I thought I had done enough. By the time junior and senior year came around, I had achieved many things. So why couldn’t I simply throw in the towel?

Something kept me going- even during my senior year when senioritis was hitting hard.

And that was my future. I knew that to go to college, I needed scholarships. And to get scholarships, I needed good grades and success in extracurriculars.

Yes, some days I feared I was too much. But even greater than my fear of being too much was my fear of looking back on my high school years and knowing in my heart that I could have given more.

And so I continued to try my best. I continued to study, apply for scholarships, and go all out in FFA.

The result? I was able to go to college with quite a few scholarships and a pretty good resume.

On paper, I checked all the boxes and was “college ready”. Freshman year of college, which I halfway thought would never come, had finally arrived.

And now it’s gone.

The 2021-2022 school year is complete. So it’s time to talk about what the dash between those years taught me.

1. A + B doesn’t always equal C.

Hehe, stay with me! I promise this won’t be some sort of weird math explanation.

What I mean by this is that you can do all the right things and be trying your very best and sometimes still not receive the outcome you desire.

Exhibit A: You spend days studying for a test only to receive a grade that you don’t believe accurately portrays the effort you put into preparing.

Unfortunately the college experience is not entirely linear. In fact, it is filled with an abundance of highs and lows in terms of academics, extracurriculars, friendships, health, etc.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a few “God, what is this?” moments during this past year.

There were definitely times where I felt like I was giving maximum effort, only to receive lower marks than my peers who seemed to be thriving not only on their academics but in all other aspects of their life with seemingly minimal effort.

But the truth of the matter was, I had no idea what they were doing outside the hour I saw them in class. For all I know, they could have spent the remaining 23 hours of the day working to receive their grades, expand their resume, and grow their friendships.

College is such a test of humility and character. When comparison started to creep in, I had to remind myself that other people’s wins are not my losses. When I chose to celebrate others, I felt so much more free than when I tried to understand why they were receiving what I thought I deserved.

In this, the Lord taught me the power of a healthy self-image. He showed me that true confidence is being able to walk into a room and have the freedom to not compare myself to anyone at all.

2. Take advice from those who pray for you.

There will be a lot of people giving you advice in college- whether that be adults, older college students, or your friends. At times, it can definitely be overwhelming when trying to decide who to listen to when you need guidance.

My best advice would be to listen to the people

• who know you best,

• who have your best interest at heart,

• who are praying for you,

• and who are not afraid to call you higher when you're not making the best decisions for yourself.

For me, those people are my sister and my mom :)

I encourage you to find those people in your life and lean on them ( & God ofc). I promise this will be 100% better than taking advice from your friends who, although may be fun to hang out with, perhaps aren’t speaking to God on your behalf.

unless they're really godly friends. in that case, they can be part of your support system as well hehe ;)

3. God doesn’t move. We do.

There may be times in college when you feel distant from God- whether that be the product a busy schedule or intentionally overlooking time with God because you're doing something (big or small) that you know does not support the life He is calling you to live.

Still, Jesus is a friend that’s only one “call” away.

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15

In fact, instead of just sitting around waiting for you to come back to Him after you have strayed, it is likely that He is actively pursuing you.

This semester, I joined a women's Bible Study called Delight, which has been such a sweet blessing. In our devotional book, there was a chapter called God Will Drag You Out.

The story is centered around the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in the book of Genesis. If you are unfamiliar with what Sodom and Gomorrah are, they are two notoriously sinful cities in the Bible. They both actually wound up being destroyed for their sinfulness.

But God also rescued Lot out of Sodom because he was a righteous man who was sick of the shameful immorality of the wicked people around him. 2 Peter 2:7

There was a man named Lot who was sitting at the gateway of the city when two angels came to meet him. The fact that Lot was seated there indicated that he was high in leadership in this sinful city- obviously not a good place for a godly man to be found.

Despite Lot’s background as a believer and child of God, he was apparently willing to compromise his beliefs for a false feeling of acceptance and a worthless leadership position.

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character."

1 Corinthians 15:33

Though Lot extended hospitality to the angels, the sin of the city was too much and created mass chaos and disruption- so much so that people of the city were trying to abuse the angels who came to visit Lot thereby proving just how corrupt the city was. I recommend reading Genesis 19 for the full story.

Despite the chaos and obvious sin of the town, Lot hesitated to leave the place.

When he hesitated, the angels grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the Lord was merciful to them. As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”

Genesis 19: 16-17

At this point, it’s easy for readers to be disgusted by Lot. How could he hesitate to leave such a terrible place?

But it's important to remember who we are in this story .

Although we don’t want to admit it, in our human nature, we often remain in situations we know we shouldn't.

Still, just like He did with Lot, the Lord never fails to display his rescuing heart.

God sent two angels to quite literally drag Lot out of the mess he had gotten himself into. And He will do the same for us no matter how far we have strayed.

Jesus is like the person you’re trying to avoid eye contact with and walk hurriedly past, but they still say hi anyways- even as you’re walking away.

Jesus sees us even when we’re doing our best not to see him.

His love continues to chase us even when our unworthiness is driving us further and further away from Him.

4. You must fight the temptation to carry your baggage into this new season of life.

Coming into college, I had faced what felt like a lot of rejection.

"Rejection is just God’s redirection" sure looks good on my Pinterest board, but living it out and actually believing it? Well that’s a different story.

As a hardworking, Enneagram 3 gal, sometimes the weight of rejection almost physically hurts me. That’s usually because I tend to equate rejection with failure. And, to me, failure is not without causation. I’m a person who likes to know the WHY behind things. So when faced with rejection, I try to find out the why behind it.

And I don’t think that’s a terrible question to ask. My Nutrition professor actually tells me all the time that curiosity is key characteristic of any good scientist. In fact, the question of “why” has resulted in the development of cutting edge technology and medicine that provides much benefit to our lives.

But the issue behind asking the why behind failure is that, in the absence of an obvious external cause, I tend to pin the blame inward. In other words, I resort to the fact that something must have been wrong on my part. There was simply something off about my preparation process, talent, or character that caused the rejection.

But sometimes there is no cause, and no one is at fault.

In fact, I have found that my perceived failures have less to do with my talents and abilities and everything to do with God’s greater plan.

Whether you're chasing the perfect grades, the perfect relationship, the perfect leadership position, the perfect body, the perfect job, etc., I promise that it won't give you lasting satisfaction.

Chasing anything more than you are chasing God is a recipe for heartbreak.

On a real note, one thing I wrestled with coming into college was not receiving the same full-ride scholarship as my sister. However, through my "failure," I actually got to see God provide in a cool way!

A funny story regarding Bre and I’s rooming situation: we initially planned to have different roommates and room in separate dorms because we thought I wasn't going to be allowed to room with Breanna since I didn't receive the scholarship she did.

However, we found out the DAY BEFORE roommate assignments were finalized that I was, in fact, allowed to live with her.

A last minute answered prayer ;)

When all this roommate stuff was going on, I was also registering for Impact camp (a Christian camp for incoming freshman at TAMU).

I put in the prayer request section that I needed prayer regarding Bre and I’s rooming situation (aka whether or not we would be able to roommates or not).

During a conversation with my camp leader later in the semester, I was updating her about how dorm life with Bre was going. She told me she remembered diligently praying over the situation even before she met us, which I thought was so cool. Truly a tangible example of the power of prayer.

God always shows up, even if you think it’s “last minute.”

Had I received the scholarship, I wouldn’t have been able to see God provide in this way. Truly, God’s blessings still exist amidst life’s letdowns.

I was also astonished that the leaders of the camp had taken my prayer request so seriously! At the top of the prayer request section, it said that the leaders would be praying over all the campers. They really, really meant it. Since then, I have been inspired to take my prayer life more seriously and invite God into all aspects of my life.

Going back to the whole rejection thing- while listening to a podcast recently, the host read aloud a prayer written for those dealing with the death of a dream. It was the most beautiful, relatable thing I had heard in a while, so I will share it below. I highlighted some of my fav lines in black :)

idk why some words appear to be another color but this was not intentional lol

A Liturgy for the Death of a Dream

O Christ, in whom the final fulfillment
of all hope is held secure,

I bring to you now the weathered
fragments of my former dreams,
the broken pieces of my expectations,
the rent patches of hopes worn thin,
the shards of some shattered image of
life as I once thought it would be.

What I so wanted
has not come to pass.
I invested my hopes in desires
that returned only sorrow
and frustration.  Those dreams,
like glimmering faerie feasts,
could not sustain me,

and in my head I know that you
are sovereign even over this–
over my tears, my confusion,
and my disappointment.
But I still feel,
in this moment,
as if I have been abandoned,
as if you do not care that these hopes
have collapsed to rubble.

And yet I know this is not so.
You are the sovereign of my sorrow.
You apprehend a wider sweep with wiser eyes
than mine.  My history bears the
fingerprints of grace.  You were always
faithful, though I could not always
trace quick evidence of your presence in
my pain, yet did you remain at work,
lurking in the wings, sifting all my
splinterings for bright embers that might
be breathed into more eternal dreams.

I have seen so oft in retrospect, how
you had not neglected me, but had, with a
master’s care, flared my desire like silver in
a crucible to burn away some lesser longing,
and bring about your better vision.

So let me remain tender now, to how
you would teach me.  My disappointments
reveal so much about my own agenda
for my life, and the ways I quietly demand
that it should play out: free of conflict,
free of pain, free of want.

My dreams are all so small.

Your bigger purpose has always been
for my greatest good, that I would
day-to-day be fashioned into a more fit vessel
for the indwelling of your Spirit,
and molded into a more compassionate
emissary of your coming Kingdom.
And you, in love, will use all means to shape
my heart into those perfect forms.

So let this disappointment do its work.

My truest hopes have never failed,
they have merely been buried
beneath the shoveled muck of disillusion,
or encased in a carapace of self-serving
desire.  It is only false hopes that are brittle,
shattering like shells of thin glass, to reveal the
diamond hardness of the unshakeable eternal
hopes within.  So shake and shatter all that
would hinder my growth, O God.

Unmask all false hopes,
that my one true hope might shine out
unclouded and undimmed.
So let me be tutored by this new
disappointment.
Let me listen to its holy whisper,
that I might release at last these lesser dreams.
That I might embrace the better dreams you
dream for me, and for your people,
and for your kingdom, and for your creation.
Let me join myself to these, investing all hope
in the one hope that will never come undone
or betray those who place their trust in it.
Teach me to hope, O Lord,
always and only in you.

You are the King of my collapse.
You answer not what I demand,
but what I do not even know to ask.

Now take this dream, this husk,
this chaff of my desire, and give it back
reformed and remade according to
your better vision,
or do not give it back at all.
Here in the ruins of my wrecked
expectation, let me make this best confession:

Not my dreams, O Lord,
not my dreams,
but yours, be done.

Amen.

***from Every Moment Holy

I wish I had found this earlier, but I’m definitely putting it in my back pocket for when trying times come.

Unfortunately, I feel that I allowed the sting of rejection to taint my view of myself and my abilities coming into college. Thankfully, the Lord has taught me a lot since then, and I am getting better at accepting God’s grace.

One thing the Lord has been teaching me lately is that I don’t have to try to “makeup” for or combat the rejection I face by trying to prove myself in another area of life. Instead, I can let Jesus alone define me. He is the only One worthy of such a privilege.

“Stop following everything else for pieces of what Jesus can give in whole” Sadie Robertson in Who are You Following?

Wellll those are the top 4 things I learned this year. I know this was a rather lengthy post, but hey I learned a lot this year. Though I experienced some challenges thus far in college, the good definitely outweighed the bad !!! I will always strive to never take the college experience for granted. May I never forget that I am living in what I used to long for

Feel free to share this with a college student & reach out for any other questions you may have :)

If you made it all the way down here, you're a real one & I love ya !!!!

with love,

bailee <3