Unconditional love.

Hello friends! It’s Labor Day right now, and I decided to take some time to put together this blog for you. Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint one specific thing to write about. However, today the Lord led me to this topic: unconditional love.

It sounds pretty sappy, but it’s what we all truly desire deep down.

I know for me, many of my fears stem from wanting everything to be okay (and by okay, I mean perfect haha) and wanting everyone close to me in my life to be happy. Then (and only then), I feel that I can be happy with myself and others.

When I stop to think about this, I realize that this mindset is very conditional. Rather than allowing the Lord to be my everlasting source of joy, I often allow my feelings to shift depending on my circumstances. This is natural; however, the problem arises when I allow my feelings to take over my mind and prevent me from enjoying the life that the Lord has given me.

Here are some practical examples of situations I find myself in on the a daily basis that have the potential to make me feel unlovable:

• Not doing as well as I’d hoped in a class

• Getting behind on my study plan

• Not working out “enough”

• Feeling like a bad friend

• Having a bad day or even a bad moment

You might face different scenarios in your day, but these are some things that sometimes trip me up. When I’m faced with the aforementioned scenarios, I often find that there are two voices speaking into the situation. One is loud and accusing, and one is gentle and quiet. The loud voice is often telling me what a failure I am and urging me to take immediate action to gain as much control as possible, while the second voice requires me to lean in and truly listen. It urges me to slow down and be still, telling me that no immediate action is required. I believe the first voice is Satan and/or my own broken flesh. I believe the second voice, however, is God through the Holy Spirit, drawing me to Himself and urging me to get into His presence.

I am trying to build the habit of listening to the second voice, and I hope you'll join me. Later on in life, I know there will be bigger situations in which I will need to have a strong relationship with my Heavenly Father in order to make decisions (for example, marriage, motherhood, future job opportunities, etc.), so I'm trying to use the seemingly "less important" scenarios I face in college to build the discipline of trusting the Lord, His word, and the Holy Spirit He put inside of me.

***

The concept of counseling has been coming up a lot in my nutrition and psychology classes. Our nutrition professor says that counseling takes a lot of training and skill, and unfortunately we don’t have a nutrition counseling course here at Texas A&M. Bailee will be a mentee for a Registered Dietitian who specializes in counseling, so maybe she will be able to share some of what she learns here! For now though, I’ll share what I recently read in an article my psychology professor linked to our notes.

The article was essentially discussing the qualities of a counselor who effectively implements Rogerian style therapy, also known as “person-centered therapy”. In this method of therapy, the therapist allows the client to arrive at their own conclusions, while providing a sense of guidance and safety along the way. One quality that a therapist implementing this technique must exhibit is unconditional positive regard. This basically means that the therapist should communicate to their client that their presence is a safe space to share what they are struggling with, and nothing they say will catch the therapist by surprise or make them think any differently about the client. It is believed that only from this place of unconditional positive regard (or unconditional love) can true change, growth, and development occur. (1)

I think it’s interesting that psychology is catching up with scripture. Christians know that God is love and that as believers in Christ, we have access to unconditional love through our inheritance in Jesus. Some of us are even lucky enough to experience “unconditional love” here on earth through a parent, sibling, significant other, friend, etc. This weekend my mom told me, “I would do anything for you.” This meant a lot to me, and I hope I never forget how blessed I am to experience this kind of love on this side of Heaven!

I’ve been reflecting on my friendships and the conversations I have with them. Many times, my friends will share their “failures” with me. When my friends share their shortcomings with me, it’s easy for me to encourage them and reassure them that everything will be okay and that their perceived failure doesn’t affect their value as a person. For example, I was talking to a fellow Terry Scholar recently, and she shared with me that she had failed a science course and was having to retake it. Although I was surprised by this information because she is obviously an intelligent individual, I genuinely do not believe this “failure” takes away any value from her as a person. When I look at her, I see someone who is very kind, caring, & always going out of her way to make others feel loved and accepted. I have no doubt that she’ll find her way in life- whether or not she ends up obtaining a science-related degree, and I hope she views herself in this light as well.

However, if I were to fail a class, I would probably spiral into a sea of despair and negative thoughts. I mean, I do this even when I’m slightly struggling with a course.

May this be your reminder that unconditional love is available to you too- not just your friends, family members, and those “perfect Christians” you see at church or on social media. It’s easy to believe this when times are easy, but unfortunately, you’re going to have to go through some difficult situations to actually put this concept of “unconditional love” into practice. In other words, you'll need lived experiences of you implementing this new belief in real-life scenarios in order to truly change the way your brain works. Luckily, the brain has the ability to be rewired through neuroplasticity, but it takes repeated, consistent changes in behavior.

Note: From Neuroplasticity [Photograph], by Katie Vaz, Pinterest, (https://pin.it/dS84Upa).

When you’re faced with a perceived failure this week, I pray you’ll remember that God loves you unconditionally. It is from this place that you have the freedom to go out into the world and simply give your best, knowing that your worth is not attached to anything here on this earth. Each step of courage you take is leading you towards greater freedom!

Love,

Breanna Chavez

References

1. Miguel M. The six factors of growth in Rogerian therapy. The Good Men Project. October 6, 2022. Accessed September 4, 2023. https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/six-factors-growth-rogerian-therapy-bh/.

2. Vaz K. Neuroplasticity Wall Art. Pinterest Accessed September 6, 2023. https://pin.it/dS84Upa.