Tough Love

Audio Version here: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/bailee-chavez/episodes/Tough-Love--Bre-Reads-e30pob7

Hi everyone! It's Breanna. Tbh, I am not sure who actually reads these posts. Even if I'm only writing to the future version of myself and God, I think that's pretty special.

I've been doing some reflecting, and I have changed so much in the past couple of years. I'm very proud of how far I've come; however, I think it's time to recenter. There was a time in my life when I couldn't imagine being vulnerable enough to talk to a guy romantically. Here recently, however, I have been tossed and turned by talking stage after talking stage.

I recently came across Colossians 3:23, which says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." This verse hit me in a fresh way. I previously only thought of this verse in the context of working hard in school or at your job, but it never occured to me that this verse could also relate to romantic relationships.

I was talking to my cousin recently, and we were bonding over the fact that although neither of us had ever been in a relationship, we felt like we had. Why is that? As I began to ponder this, I realized that this is why Jesus talks so much about guarding your heart and thoughts. Although I have never done anything with a boy physically, I have invested much emotional and mental energy into them. Again, there's a season for this, and there's grace for everyone. But it's clear to me that this is simply the time for me to be in a serious relationship, as I've been met with closed door after closed door.

I understand that there is some benefit to simply being friends with guys, but if you've already crossed the "I like you," line, there's probably no going back. Do I regret my talking stages and situationships? Yes and No. No, in the sense that God taught me a lot through them, but yes, in the sense that there are so many better ways to spend your time than talking to a boy who I already know is not chasing the Lord with all his mind, soul, and strength.

I think I've learned what I needed to learn, and it's time for me to go back to my First Love: God. Again, I'll give myself grace because prior to this season of situationships, I could barely fathom a guy finding me attractive because no one had ever expressed interest in me in that way. Now that a handful of boys have told me I'm pretty and/or beautiful, I no longer have that excuse. Previously I was genuinely curious what guys thought of me, but now, if I'm being honest, I am tempted to use them to fill a void inside of me that only God can fill. God already told me I'm beautiful, and He was even kind enough to confirm this truth with the words of some of His sons. As Tate would say, "don't get greedy." Aka, I don't need to take advantage of guys or more importantly- God.

Although male validation feels nice and it's not inherently wrong, it's important to check your heart. I know that one day I want to get married, and I want to be the most Christ-like wife I can be. I am far from Christ-like right now, so I don't really have anymore time to waste. Why get distracted by boys who won't even text me back when I can sit at the feet of Jesus and receive wisdom that the world could never offer.

Basically, I have a choice. I can continue to enter talking stages and repeat the same cycle over and over again, or I can sit at the feet of my Savior and surrender my season of singleness to Him. God gives me the freedom to do either, but one option will serve me more spiritually. I will never have more time to devote to the Lord than right now. I would be silly to waste this season on situationships.

All things are legitimate [permissible—and we are free to do anything we please], but not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable, and wholesome). All things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life]. (1 Corinthians 10:23)

Again I'm not shaming anyone. I am far from perfect, and I know that God can and will use anything for good. However, how happy it must make Him when we choose to humble ourselves before His holiness. No, it's not bad to have a crush, and it's not bad to find someone attractive. But it is bad to entertain the idea of someone who you know isn't meant for you. I haven't been perfect, and I never will be. Heck, I may even have another crush next week. But when I'm down, deep in the lies Satan tells me about my singleness, I'll return to this blog post.

***

I'm sure this isn't the first time you've heard the singleness chat. This is where a lot of people stop. They tell you how great singleness is, but they don't give you specifics regarding how to spend it. Allow me to give you some advice my mom gave me.

Next week, I plan to talk more about being how silly is > than being sad, but for now, I'll leave you with this advice: sit in the discomfort. When you would typically run to a boy, a workout, social media, or whatever it is for you, challenge yourself to submit all your desires before God. Truly examine whether you are living for the approval of people or the approval of God. I think back to myself at the beginning of high school. I miss the version of myself who didn't have social media, poured her entire being into her studies, and wasn't distracted by boys. I want to return to that version of me. No, she wasn't perfect, and no, my life wasn't easy back then. But I want to thank that version of myself because without her, I wouldn't have been Valedictorian, I wouldn't have gotten the Terry Scholarship, I wouldn't have gone to Texas A&M, I wouldn't have majored in nutrition, and I wouldn't still have my purity to take pride in.

Is there a past version of yourself you need to thank? Is there something you need to lay at the feet of Jesus? Maybe it's a relationship, or maybe it's your relationship with yourself. I hope and pray you can take the time to find out what that is for you. I pray you can clear some space in your heart to make room for the King. He will give you everything you need and more.

Love,

Breanna Chavez