The One Thing

Hey everyone! Long time no see! I haven’t posted my writing on here in over 3 months. Crazy! I took some time off, but I really did miss it. 

Part of me wanted to wait to share my writing until I had everything figured out. Until I was more of who I wanted to be. In many ways, I am who I want to be. But also in many ways I am not. 

I won’t ever have everything all figured out, so I figure I will commit to sharing what I learn along the way lest it get lost in translation. I think becoming who you’re meant to be is a lifelong journey rather than a final destination anyways.

Life is busy, and things are constantly changing. Writing is something I can always go back to. 

Whether I’m happy, sad, anxious, angry, or any other emotion, writing has proven to be a great outlet for me. 

The past three months have been very very busy. And honestly a break was needed, but I do think that maybe staying committed to writing about my faith would have been helpful in keeping me faith-filled. I’m happiest here talking about my faith and life experiences.

I am grateful to be back and sharing with anyone who wants to follow along. In writing on here though, I want to be clear that I am not writing from a place of perfection or mastery of any of the topics discussed. 

Many of the things I talk about are things that I’m learning and choosing to share so that maybe they can help you too. The purpose is not to flaunt my own perfection, but God's.

At the end of the day, we are all just humans trying to do our best. 

We’re all just walking with each other home to Heaven.

As a 20 year old, I have lived a good chunk of life. Of course, 20 years old probably sounds incredibly young and naive to older individuals. Maybe I’ll agree with you when I look back in 30 years. But hopefully, I’ll be proud of who 20 year Bailee was and how she chose to invest in her faith and share it with others. 

What’s been hitting me lately is how life is just so crazy in the way that we get to choose what we do. The truth is that the Lord gives us a lot of freedom, honestly.

For the most part, we get to choose our occupations and how we spend our time, and a multitude of things could be God-honoring. 

I wrote this in my notes on December 14 about this: 

As the semester came to an end, I found myself in awe of the fleetingness of life. 

Even the hardest classes come to an end and whether or not you got the grade you wanted only matters to a handful of people- the other of whom could care less because everyone is going through their own situations.

Life is ultimately full of changing seasons. With all the change, there are few things I can be absolutely sure of. 

Being the smallest, smartest, or well-liked version of myself isn’t always a guarantee. 

I’ve tried pursuing those avenues & have found that they leave me unfulfilled & lacking lasting favor

In a prayer I wrote today, I told God that the only promise I can make throughout my life is to do my best to love Him, to love others, and to love myself in the best way I know how- with the time and resources I have in the present moment. 

Afterwards, I read a devotional talking about those 3 things!

It said: “We are to come to Him first, and after that, the good works we pursue will not weary us but will refresh others, ourselves, and God.”

Because the greatest commandment is to love Him with all our heart and to love our neighbor as ourselves. 

An answer so simple but also deeply complex. 

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What I desire is constantly changing based on my circumstances and environment if I’m not careful. 

Some days I wake up, and all I want is to have the best grades. This might be during a tough part of the academic semester or maybe during a time when my grades are less than ideal. 

Other days go by and all I want is a relationship. This might be when I feel like everyone else around me is in a relationship, when I feel trapped in my hometown, or when I want to feel important.

Other days I want the cleanest space, the coolest hobbies, to be the smallest, or something else. 

It can be hard to know what to pursue. For me, I have my faith to justify my decisions. I look to Him often to see how He would want me to spend my time. When I do so, I find that many of my worries are from the enemy who is trying to distract me from my job in this season- which is to get an education and be a light to my friends, family, and those around me along the way. 

When I don’t look to God, I foolishly pursue things that derail me and then look back and wonder how I got there- even though the answer is quite clear. 

Don’t get me wrong, college is about more than academics. I don’t think God wants me to graduate from Texas A&M with a 4.0 at the cost of everything else, including some of the most treasured college memories I’ve made. 

What I know He does want, though, is to be involved in every aspect of my life- my school, my friendships, my extracurricular activities, my social media- all of it. 

I also know that making Him a part of all these aspects of life is much easier when He is at the very core of my life. 

In December, I read through the book of Luke.

One story that has always stood out to me is the story of Mary and Martha. You know- the one where Martha is busy running around doing chores to prepare for Jesus, while Mary simply sits at His feet.

In this scenario, Jesus says “but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

The phrase “it will not be taken away from her” really hits home. As a person who has struggled with disordered eating, OCD, and perfectionism, I have spent a lot of time chasing certainty, control, and something stable that I can always cling to. 

As mentioned previously, I’ve had seasons of trying to use grades, extracurriculars, eating, exercise, social media, and other people as my firm foundation amidst life’s craziness. And it’s never provided lasting peace. 

And trust me, I have tried to be stronger and more perfect- to track and plan even more- in order to form the foundation I so desperately want. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen success. Where energy and time is invested, positive results do abound sometimes. 

But even when my performance does improve, and I meet my goal of a good grade, an award, a smaller body, etc., it doesn’t provide me with true peace. 

Because I know that anything can be taken away from me at any point. 

I don’t want to be loved only for what I do or what I look like. 

I want to be loved for who I am at my core, without all the external adornments. 

1 Peter 3:3-7

Do not adorn yourselves outwardly by braiding your hair, and by wearing gold ornaments or fine clothing; rather, let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God's sight

Proverbs 31:30 

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

Recently, I was listening to a podcast called The Becoming by a girl named Riley Davis. I love her podcast and can totally relate to her in a lot of ways. She shares the harsh reality of life, eating disorders, and college- and I admire that. 

I was thrilled when I stumbled upon her podcast titled “identity” because it was so real and so good. 

I highly recommend you go listen to it in its entirety, but here’s the high points.

Episode link: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Won0fdSaSmnXlZrrTz72H?si=R3IqEZSERrqt_NVHcRwGIg

She discusses a lot about how she had to find a new identity while in eating disorder recovery. 

For those of us who have struggled with an eating disorder and have had to recover by breaking all those perfect rules we believed kept us safe, gave us a sense of superiority, and something to live for, you probably understand. 

It feels like you are losing yourself because what you believed was your identity is being taken from you. 

This is not just true with EDs. I have seen this to be true in other aspects of life as well. 

In Riley’s case, she recounts a conversation she had with her therapist amidst recovery. When discussing who she could be without her eating disorder, Riley shared her love for running. 

To Riley’s dismay, her therapist told her that, although it was great that she loved running, running could not be “her thing.”

Of course, it shouldn’t be her thing for medical reasons since she was in ED recovery, but even if she wasn’t- in no circumstance should she root herself in just one thing. 

Of course, Riley’s therapist wasn’t saying she could never go back to running once she recovered. Running can be a beautiful thing. However, she was saying that when we root ourselves in that one thing, we are ignoring the possibility that that one thing can disappear. 

Let’s say Riley’s only coping mechanism is running, but later on in life she gets injured and has to take another break. Wouldn’t she be crushed if that was her “one thing”?

The podcast emphasizes that we, as humans, have to find something intangible to put our identity in- something that won’t be taken away from us. 

While Riley loved running, she would only be able to maintain that love if her identity wasn’t rooted in it. 

The things we love have to be taken away from us or given up when they are interfering with our commitment to Christ. It is only then that they have the ability to return back to us in full strength. 

She shares a quote that I love: 

• If i'm being honest, running has broken my heart. And I know that only something you love can do that. But I know something else. I know that the heart is a muscle, and when a muscle gets worked it breaks down a little bit, but then it builds itself back up bigger and stronger. And that's why I keep running because I know that only something you love can heal you too.

Riley relates this quote to ED recovery, too. ED recovery has broken her heart. But she knows that only something she loves can heal her too. 

Whatever we’re passionate about can be a really good thing, but like all good things, it can be abused. 

Rooting our identity in one thing is so dangerous, so fallible, so temporary- when it’s not Christ. 

Upon the loss of one identity, you could easily place it in another. You could take pride in 

• Being a student

• A communications major 

• A nurse

• A mom 

• A wife

All of these things are great things, but they can certainly become abused to a certain extent or become unhealthy. Further, they aren't long-lasting.

That’s why we must root our identity in something that cannot be taken away from us, such as our faith and our character. 

It is only then that we can go “all-in” in the things of this world that the Lord has entrusted us with without being all-consumed. 

And maybe only you and the Lord know you are doing this. 

Other people can only see the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 

This is why a person can be praised for their healthy habits, yet have an eating disorder. 

It’s why a person could have the highest scholastic achievements, but still feel not good enough. 

And you cannot base your commitment to the Lord based on others’ opinions, what they are doing, or on how they may trigger you. 

You are responsible for you. What’s good for you will not be what’s best for everyone because everyone’s situations are not congruent. 

Other people cannot be your measuring stick or your firm foundation. (That's not to say they can’t provide you with support- but even the people who love and support you most will not always say or do the right things). This is why a relationship with the Lord is crucial. 

Get in the habit of asking yourself, “What is my behavior saying about my faith?”

When we’re not rooted in our faith, we strive. 

We take the pen and try to write our own stories and happy endings. 

But I would urge you to ask yourself- What comes after you get the thing you’re rushing to?

If disatisfaction is your baseline heart posture, once one desire is satisfied- another will creep in. 

Once you get to college, once you get married, once you achieve your dream body, will your life be “made?” Will you have no more problems?

After college, you’ll have to find a job. 

After you get married, you’ll have to learn to communicate, to take care of a house well, to put your needs second, & to live with someone else.

After you achieve your “dream body,” you will be tempted to be stressed about maintaining it. 

Society is always asking something of you and asking you to bring more to the table.

With Jesus though, you can come to Him with nothing, and that is everything.

For me, the one thing that can never be taken away from me is my faith in the Lord. 

Although I am often Martha, I hope to be more like Mary- recognizing what’s truly important in life and acting on it. 

For me, it is only when I am rooted in my faith that I can be “all-in” without being all consumed.

The Lord, whose opinion we should value above all else, is only asking us to love Him, to love ourselves, and love others.

In considering this, remember that:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Isn't TRUE love so freeing?

1 John 4:16 God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

When God is our foundation, we are free from fretting about elevating ourselves, being better than those around us, and living in a state of fear.

Thank you Jesus.

------ Bailee Chavez