The Hardest Thing

Howdy and happy Sunday! Bailee here.

This week what’s been on my heart is the amount of times my worries shift and how each one always seems like the BIGGEST deal or the HARDEST thing.

I’m sure you can relate.

Maybe if you’re in high school,

Getting homecoming queen seems like the BIGGEST deal

Or maybe its

Getting into that certain school

Earning a particular score on the ACT or SAT

Securing a prom date

Being Valedictorian

Passing a class

Getting recruited by a college for your beloved sport

Or something similar

On the other hand, you may be in college like me and

Passing that class

Healing your body image

Speaking in front a crowd

Believing in yourself

Overcoming imposter syndrome

Etc.

seems like the HARDEST thing

Or maybe you're even ahead of me in life and believe that

Med school, marriage, or motherhood triumphs over all.

In the past, and, sometimes, too, in the present I fall into this trap.

It’s no secret that part of my past involves disordered eating. I’ve shared parts of this, and there is still more to share, but there have been times in my life when completing my meal plan seemed like the HARDEST thing ever.

Likewise in high school, winning state and nationals in FFA Quiz, overcoming stunting fears during cheer, dealing with the shame of not being selected as a Terry Scholar like my sister, and not making State FFA Office all seemed near impossible to overcome.

The intensity of these once massive fears have dissipated. And I sometimes long for the days when my biggest struggle was whether or not I should have a banana or protein bar for a snack or if I would hit my stunt during a cheer routine.

Looking back and being who I am now, these struggles seem simple to overcome. If only these were my only struggles again...

My mind likes to tell me that I need to be in a different place & a different set of circumstances in order to be happy, but the Spirit and my experience tells me that it’s important to be where my feet are.

I know that what’s over the bend won’t be life-giving until I learn to be here with Jesus.

I think we all come to this realization in our own time.

Because when we've exhausted all our options, like the prodigal son, we inevitably run home.

Freedom isn’t in free time, a completed to do list, or a perfect anatomy exam score, or a perfect body.

Freedom is where the Spirit of the Lord is.

I often forget this, and so I try to find my freedom in my flesh. When I need a self-esteem boost, it’s easy to find myself searching for evidence of my worthiness in my contribution to the world around me- in where I fit it into a story and/or how my presence made something worthwhile.

Recently, while backtracking, I felt the Spirit tell me

“Stop looking for you, and start looking for Me.”

Unfortunately, we all likely feel the pressure to be perfect from time to time.

I know I do.

It’s easy to tell myself that as “one of the twins” I shouldn't struggle.

More than that, I sometimes think that as a Christian I shouldn't struggle.

But God tells us that we will struggle and that only He is perfect- which is such a relief !

Because, truly, I don't want people to follow me, I want them to follow Him.

Further, I am consistently learning that what we think makes us inadequate is what God may use as our strength.

God actually highlights our shortcomings.

Because His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

So if you’re counting yourself out and saying “God, I can’t do this because ____”

God is saying, “How else am I supposed to show my glory?”

May we all take a deep breath today and rest in knowing that the world just may need our weakness.

love,

Bailee !!