The first shall be last

Howdyyy, 

I figured I should take advantage of saying this while I'm still an Aggie because it’s not really socially acceptable to start essays or emails with “howdy” outside of Aggieland. 

Anyways, as I am writing this, tomorrow is my best friend’s wedding. It’s been a long time coming. She got engaged last July, so it’s been almost a full year of excitement and planning for this special day. Our friendship has grown so much this year, and I am so honored to have been chosen to stand beside her on her big day. 

Naturally, while preparing for her wedding, I have thought about what my own wedding will be like one day. Just yesterday, Bailee and I dreamed about timelines and wedding venues over lunch. 

Because the bride and groom have been dating since middle school, many people from our high school will be at the wedding tomorrow. It’ll basically be a high school reunion haha. High school was an interesting time for me, so thinking about seeing everyone again has caused me to walk down memory lane a bit. 

In high school, everyone knew me as “the smart girl”, or one of them at least (my sister being the other). For much of middle school and high school, God was on a mission to capture Bailee and I’s minds and hearts. We were preoccupied by perfectionism, but that didn’t stop the Lord. He used our desire to be the best at everything to ultimately lead us to Himself. 

Fortunately, I’ve been able to find a sense of significance outside of my academics, and I’ve realized that what I’ve truly been looking for all along is love. My desire to excel in academics, cheerleading, FFA, and athletics were all avenues I used to try to prove I was worthy. What I didn’t realize, though, is that I’ve always been worthy- even before I accomplished a single thing.

One thing I know for sure is that I can’t earn my way into God’s kingdom. His gifts to me are to be accepted by grace through faith. Trust me, I know this doesn’t make much sense, but that’s the mystery of God’s kingdom. His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways. 

If it were up to me, I’d be married by now or at least have a boyfriend. Although I’ve always been able to earn accolades through hardwork and determination, I’ve been humbled to find out that love cannot be manipulated. And trust me, I’ve tried.

I used to think that having a smaller body was the answer, but even at the smallest I’ve ever been, it hasn’t been enough to hold a guy's attention. 

I used to think having good grades was the answer, but graduating as Valedictorian hasn’t gotten me much more than a “congratulations” from the guys I’ve been interested in.

I used to think that being financially secure was the answer, but obtaining a full-ride scholarship hasn’t led me to my Prince Charming like I onced hoped it would. 

I could go on. In high school, I was first in a lot of areas. But perhaps in the area that matters the most to me (marriage), I will be last. I believe marriage is God-ordained, and I’m starting to see with my own eyes just how “upside down” God's kingdom is compared to the world.  

This isn’t to say I regret how I spent my high school years. Sure, I could have spent less time stressing, but God has used it all for good. And I believe one day, at just the right time, God will give my future husband the eyes to see me. I’d much rather wait on a miracle from the Lord than rush such a sacred season through manipulation. 

And if I don’t end up being a bride on this side of heaven, I’ll enter God’s gates knowing that I served the Lord with my whole heart in my singleness . I’m honestly honored that God thinks I am more effective for the kingdom on my own (without a significant other)… for now anyways.

Trust me, if it’s better for the kingdom that you are married, you will be. In the meantime, whether you’re married, unmarried, divorced or widowed; God’s thoughts about you are precious. They outnumber the grains of sand. Your worth goes far beyond the number of girls who wish they were you and all the guys that wish they had you. (click to watch video this quote came from). One day we’ll understand the mystery of love in full, but for now let’s marvel at the mystery of marriage; it’s a mirror of heaven. 

Bonus!!! 🖤

Post wedding thoughts:

I had the most fun celebrating my best friend. Truly, it was a day that all little girls dream of. Laikyn inspires me by the way she is so down to earth, slow to speak, quick to listen, and unwavering in her faith and confidence in who God made her to be. She never tries to be something she’s not, and she confidently trusts the Lord to take care of her, and He has. It’s been wonderful to be a witness to God’s love for her. 

Oftentimes, after big events, I have a hard time going back to “normal”. Coming down from a day filled with so much joy, anticipation, excitement, and laughter is tough. As I’ve pondered why this is, the Lord reminded me of something - I was never made to “recover” from happy times. I was made for heaven. If heaven is anything like the best moments of last night, I am so excited. Being reunited with old friends, dancing without fear of what others think, and experiencing fullness of joy- now that sounds like paradise, and I can't wait to experience this one day at the Ultimate Wedding in Heaven.

"For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection." (Romans 6:5)

“For your Maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” (Isaiah 54:5)

"I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband." (Revelation 21:2)

“As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” (Isaiah 62:5) 

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”(Revelation 21:4)

“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” (Matthew 20:16)

Love, 

Breanna Chavez