One Less Lonely Girl

Hi friends!! I am so excited to be talking to you today about a topic that only a select group of girls (and maybe guys too) will understand. 

Today, I want to talk to the girls who didn't receive a lot of romantic attention growing up. I know, if you cannot relate, then you're probably thinking, "This girl is so weird." But if you can relate, then get excited because as you continue reading, you will realize that you are not alone in your struggles. 

Recently a guy asked me, "What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

I laughed out loud. Let's just say if we were playing "Never Have I Ever" with a group of typical twenty-one-year-olds, I would probably win.

I was a late-bloomer in almost every sense of the word. Because I was so dedicated to earning as many scholarships as possible in high school, I didn’t share many of the same interests as my peers. People would ask what type of music I listened to, what shows I watched, if I had a crush on anybody, if I ever allowed myself to relax, etc. My answers never seemed to satisfy anyone. Thus, I was very insecure.

Fast forward to now. Everyone knows I love listening to Tate McRae, Megan Moroney, Sabrina Carpenter, Selena Gomez, and Hudson Westbrook. Furthermore, my friends and I just had a Galentine's Party where we dressed up as our “type”. I dressed up as Jeremiah Fisher, a heart-throb from one of my favorite shows, The Summer I Turned Pretty. Furthermore, I have a variety of hobbies to fill my free time including reading, writing, podcasting, content development, working out, and hanging out with my friends and family. High school me wouldn't believe how full and joyful my life is now.

Back to the annoying question the guy asked me. As I answered his question, a sense of confidence rose in my spirit as I got to proclaim my purity. (Purity is more than physical, by the way. To me, it’s a spiritual posture of the heart.)

I’m no longer the shy, insecure Bre who didn’t know her identity outside of academics. I now have passions and hobbies, and I live a life that I love. Still, this isn't enough for some people, and it wasn't enough for this guy. He couldn't fathom why I wouldn't drink or why I wouldn't just give myself to any boy who showed me attention.

The biggest thing I've learned about being a Christian in today's society is that you have to live for an audience of One- God. Otherwise, you'll lose yourself to people who don't even know who they are, nor are they fully living out of the abundance of Christ's love. If you've ever felt "too Christian" for some, and "not Christian enough" for others, you're not alone.

Disclaimer: I am not shaming anyone. I know beauty can come from situations that seem hopeless and decisions you wish you could take back. I am solely writing this to encourage the girls who feel less than because of their lack of "experience." 

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I know Valentine's Day just passed, and my heart goes out to the girls who yearn for romance, yet don't have it. It wasn’t until college and post-grad that I started receiving attention from guys. I won’t lie- it feels good to achieve the gold star of approval from a cute guy. It’s supposed to. God wired us to appreciate beauty, and the Bible talks about the power of words. So no, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that “you don’t need a guy’s attention to be confident”. Although it's true- you don't NEED their approval- that's probably not going to help you in this moment. At the end of the day, you can’t fight God’s design. You were made to love and be loved, to adore and be adored.

What I will do though, is show you the other side of the coin. I want to peel back the curtain and reveal what’s beneath the surface-level feeling of wanting to be noticed. You may fantasize about the flowers, the “I love you” texts, the cute pictures, the engagement photos, the bachelorette party, the wedding, and the pregnancy announcement. Don't get me wrong, these things all sound so fun, and I cannot wait to experience them. However, when I think back on my life, I also couldn’t wait to do other things - make the cheer team, graduate high school, earn the Terry Scholarship, graduate college, enter the workforce, etc. I truly thought each of these accomplishments would fulfill me. But they didn’t.

On the other side of making the cheer team was the struggle of comparing myself to the other girls and feeling overlooked by boys because I wasn’t one of the "hot "girls on the squad.

On the other side of graduating high school was the roller coaster of college, where I faced an eating disorder, loneliness, anxiety, and feelings of depression.

On the other side of graduating college is the struggle of balancing the busyness and boredom that comes from working a full-time job. 

Not to encourage negativity, but the next time you find yourself fantasizing about future fairytales, do yourself a favor and give yourself a little reality check. 

On the other side of the mushy relationship stuff is the struggle of fighting to keep Christ at the center of it all.

On the other side of the engagement photos is the stress of planning a wedding and the pressure to make everything perfect (even though you know that isn’t possible).

On the other side of saying "I do" is learning how to cohabitate with another sinful human being. This includes cleaning, cooking, dealing with in-laws, sharing a space, and staying accountable for your sassiness. Even when it's been a long day, and you'd rather not talk to anyone when you get home from work, you're going to have to be kind if you want to have a happy marriage (that's what I hear anyways.)

On the other side of the pregnancy announcement is watching your entire life change right before your eyes and feeling so very unprepared for the challenge of raising children that is just around the corner.

Again, it's great to be a glass-half-full kinda girl (cue Sabrina's new song "Couldn't Make It Any Harder"). However, it doesn’t hurt to throw a reality check in every once in a while, especially when you are feeling discontent with your current season of life and are desperately desiring something different.

I hope this post made you feel a little less lonely. Trust me, I know the pain of being pinned as the quiet, shy, single girl. However, I also know the beauty of finding my finding identity in Christ and allowing myself to look at life with child-like wonder. 

This week's challenge: Allow yourself to be a kid again. Get excited about the little things. Laugh (or cry) for no reason. Look forward to the new episode of your favorite show coming out. Sing your favorite songs. Don’t worry about looking silly. Be entertained by the smallest of things. Choose to see the good in others. Read simple Bible verses. Believe them. View life through the lens of a little one.

"Like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation." (1 Peter 2:2)

“I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven." (Matthew 18:3)

Hope this encouraged you!

Love,

Breanna Chavez