Love Defined

Hi blog friends! Very long time, no see! I have been MIA recently since Breanna was in charge of posting in April, and then I took the first week of May off in order to focus on studying for finals. Nevertheless, I am happy to be back and able to share all that I have been learning recently. 

This past semester was very very challenging, academically and even personally. Going into it, I knew that it would be, but there was no real way to prepare myself for the sacrifices that had to be made and the pride that had to be laid down in order to effectively move through the past couple of months. 

The main thing the Lord has graciously taught me this semester is that remembering the definition of love will save you from a multitude of sins. 

At the beginning of this year, I felt the Lord put a word of the year on my heart. This was interesting to me because this is not something that has happened in previous years. Nevertheless, walking into 2024, I felt the Lord put the word “love” on my heart. 

After a recent struggle with identity and insecurity, I knew deep down that knowing and living in true love was the balm that would soothe my soul. Apparently, the Lord also saw it fit to spend time teaching me more about this idea. 

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Many of the issues we face as humans stem from us not understanding, trusting, or resting in true love- God’s love. Although this may manifest in different ways, the root issue is the same. 

Some symptoms of a person who is not living out of love include comparison, envy, insecurity, self-condemnation, shame, and anxiety over the future. 

When we aren’t accepting 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as absolute truth, the symptoms mentioned seem valid. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (NIV).

In the natural world, it would make sense that our imperfections would discourage us. 

But that’s not true in the upside-down kingdom of God.

God says that our weaknesses are our strength, that His grace is sufficient to cover our sins, and that as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. 

I wrote about how pursuing eating disorder recovery changed my perspective of love back in February. Click the button below to read!

How My ED Changed My Perspective on Love Blog

Remembering God’s love and its principles has the ability to save us from a multitude of sins because it helps us put everything into perspective. 

Here’s some ways this has been true for me: 

1. When I fear that I will miss out on meeting the people I am meant to meet, I am not believing in God’s supernatural ability to bring whoever needs to be in my life into it (forgetting that God’s love is kind). 

College has taught me that you will run into whoever you need to run into/meet whoever you need to meet. The amount of unintentional and unexpected encounters I have had with people has convinced me that God’s sovereignty supersedes unideal circumstances. 

Whereas I used to fear not being in the right place at the right time, I had to release this fear in order to survive the semester. 

I followed where my intuition told me would be the best place to get work done, whether that be my dorm room or in public, and watched as God guided the people that needed to be a part of my day right to me, sometimes even to my doorstep. 

2. When I fear that my outward appearance will keep me from achieving my dreams, I am coming into agreement with the societal standard that it's the state of one’s body that saves- when in actuality it is a sound mind (True love is not self-seeking). 

Although dressing well and caring for yourself is a worthwhile pursuit and a form of self love, expression, & respect, I have found that a perfect outfit or hair day isn't enough to pull me through a season of stress. 

External change will never replace inner sanctification.

When the pressure of life came this semester, I had to tap into a sound mind in order to move forward effectively. 

Whereas my old self oftentimes ran from struggle– trying to bury it through avenues such as running to the treadmill or social media– the amount of demands I faced this semester forced me to face my struggles head on. I didn’t have time to run. I had to sit and stay and study. 

And it is true that sometimes I needed a workout or to see what my friends were up to on social media. These are good things. 

But I got into the habit of asking myself what would truly be helpful to me within a particular moment before acting.

I often found that whatever it was I felt like running from, whether it be a lengthy assignment or a fear food, that was where my work actually was.

**** That's not to say life should consistently be an uphill battle. Not everything will be easy, but not everything should be hard. Breaks and balance are important. Commitment to brutal honesty of where you're at instead of being led by feelings can help you decide whether rest or action would be most beneficial. 

**** I found that after getting started on a hard task or facing something my eating disorder or anxiety would rather avoid, it was almost never as bad as it seemed from a bird's eye view. 

The fire of life refines and forges us into the real deal. It forces us to become a doer of the Word and not just a hearer.

3. When I believe I will finally be happy when… (insert earthly achievement) 

I am forgetting the persevering nature of God’s love that pierces any circumstance. 

An anorexic usually isn't eating enough because of the absence of food. More often than not, the food is there. The table is prepared, but the person chooses not to eat. 

The same is true in our Christian walk.

The Lord has the table set, but we often refuse to sit. We refuse the feast, thinking that we need to earn our place at the table, and then suffer from spiritual malnourishment. 

We need to nourish to flourish. Nourishment is the first step, and it can only be attained by dining with the Divine. 

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In my life, I have seen that nothing is enough to fulfill a person or convince them that they are valuable. 

A full-ride scholarship isn’t enough to convince someone they are smart. 

A significant other doesn’t resolve body image issues. 

A lack of responsibilities doesn’t always bring peace. 

In fact, in the absence or resolution of one problem, another can quickly fill its place. 

For example, when not busy with school, it can be tempting to worry about not being a good enough friend, not being able to find a spouse, or not doing enough. 

In the past, I have thought that, if only I didn’t have school to worry about or if only I had a significant other, then maybe I would have more peace. But a quick look around me at those who already have those things shows me that likely is not the case.

So I have replaced that narrative with the Truth. 

Only a firm foundation in the Father precedes forever fulfillment.

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The School of Suffering

All that to say- my grades and wellbeing have certainly benefited from the extra brain space and energy I have had from giving up many limiting beliefs this semester.

That’s not to say it made things easy, but it did make them possible. 

Clearly, the Lord teaches me a lot through school. And though sometimes I think He should use something more extravagant or “spiritual,” I’m learning that it is just in God’s character and kindness to meet us exactly where we’re at- magical or mundane. 

And, unlike what we experience in school, we don’t need to know the full mechanism behind God’s miracles. 

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I had a moment this semester where the Lord gave me a pop quiz on what He had taught me so far in the year. He’s always keeping me on my toes like that. 

I was walking into the Memorial Student Center (MSC) at TAMU when I was stopped by a girl with a notebook. 

Transparently, this was on a day when I was struggling in my thought life- shame seeking to strangle me. 

“Can I ask you a question?” she said. 

Hesitantly, I agreed. 

“How would you define love?” she asked.

I laughed in my head because God was just so intentional. 

Since I had spent the year being tutored by God on this definition, it didn’t take me long to answer. I thought about this concept often enough already. 

“To care about someone unconditionally,” I said. 

She quickly jotted down my words in her notebook and then asked if I had ever been in love. 

I laughed, this time out loud, and said that I hadn’t. 

She looked surprised, made another mark on her page, and said that I was the first person to say no. 

“Leave it to me,” I thought. 

I asked what she was using the responses for, and she told me she was writing a book as a part of a personal project (love this!). 

Who knows, maybe I’ll show up in her book as the only student who answered no to ever falling in love. But in all seriousness, I hope she includes the fact that I knew the definition of love even without ever being in love with another person. 

Although we didn’t discuss it, I know my definition of love comes from divinity, not humanity. And I am grateful things are happening in the order they are. 

To most effectively love others without abandoning yourself or your First Love requires continuous commitment to Christ’s commands. 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these (Mark 12:30-31 NIV).

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I believe this encounter was a gift from God. Now, when I begin to feel fearful over what may or may not happen in the future, I say to myself:

Bailee, remember the definition of love- which you defined as caring about someone unconditionally.

If God is love, then why should we fear the future? 

His love and care will follow us all the days of our life. 

God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love (1 John 4:16-18 NIV).

The moments I let surrender be my strategy over striving are when I am able to more deeply believe in the Lord's love for me and how He displays that love. 

Not only does He love me with an everlasting love, but He wants me to pay it forward to all I meet. 

Likewise, He wants to give me people that care more about my soul than any silly facade of perfection I could put up on the outside.

And so even on the days when it seems everything is going wrong, I must trust that He has his hand over every moment. 

When life brings rain, I must trust that He reigns over all. So much so that Jesus isn't afraid to sleep during storms. 

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Thank you for reading this week's blog! I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t always execute as I wish. Still, in the words of Victoria Justice, I hope you’ll take me with my flaws. I'm not perfect, but I'll give you raw.

From: Victoria Justice - RAW (Lyrics)

More to come this May! 

~Bailee Chavez