In Exchange For the Soul

Hey friends, back again for another blog post. I’ve been reading through the book of Matthew lately.

Today, as I read through chapter 16, verse 26 specifically stood out to me.

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (NKJV)

Personally, I find it incredibly difficult to value heavenly things over earthly things. Perhaps because it’s more fun to pursue the spotlight and worldly possessions than to embrace and practice the things that the Bible tells us have eternal significance- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Always too much, never enough

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.

1 Corinthians 10:23 (NIV)

I have a history of consistently sacrificing leisure time, sleep, and peace in the name of success. Of course, dedication, focus, and drive are not qualities to be ashamed of. Instead, we simply need to make sure they are being managed properly.

In a society that praises hustle culture and being a “girl boss,” I have found it difficult to decide how much work is too much and too little. The best answer I have found lies in between the two extremes- a delicate balance that can only be achieved through the regular assessment of the heart.

In discussing this, I am taken back to the 7th grade when my struggle with disordered eating originated. Hearing that healthy eating and exercise could help me be a better athlete and cheerleader prompted me to make subtle changes in my life that progressively became more extreme.

For a few months, my smile was replaced with seriousness, and my once carefree mind was replaced with concerns of eating as little as possible and exercising the most I could. Needless to say, thirteen year old me was dedicated for sure. Unfortunately, though, my dedication soon became detrimental.

I would wake up before school to workout because in my mind, that’s what it took to be the best. Forget God-given talent, I was convinced my success lay in my own hands and in my ability to outwork those around me.

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard, right?

True, but was it really worth it to sacrifice my happiness and health for the sake of being able to run the fastest and longest?

My body was convinced it wasn't worth it before my mind was.

When my quest for health ended with me acquiring a stress fracture in my right foot, I was crushed.

What I thought was helping me was actually hurting me and now I didn’t know if I could trust myself.

In this, the Lord taught me an important lesson:

When you abuse freedom, you lose it.

Before my self-imposed injury, I had the freedom to workout and eat healthy how I wished. However, because I “abused” freedom by not taking care of my body, I lost those freedoms.

While recovering from my stress fracture, my mom chose most of what I ate and held me accountable for eating enough. At the same time, the type and duration of exercise I was permitted to do was limited.

Eventually, my fracture healed and I gained more freedom back regarding exercise and food. Still, however, I struggled with the concept of “doing my best and forgetting the rest.”

I had this innate belief that in whatever I was doing, I had to be the best and did not want to settle for anything less.

Though a noble desire, this ambition hurt me more than it helped. As a freshman on the track team, I was a pretty good distance runner if I do say so myself. At most track meets, I placed first, with my sister usually at least 200 meters behind me in second (hehe sorry bre it's the truth).

No matter how many successes I had though, I found myself incredibly nervous before each practice and meet- worried that I wouldn’t meet my own expectations and goals.

This anxiety was crippling and actually ended up with me skipping practice due to panic attacks and even refusing to compete at the Area track meet when I advanced past the District level.

To others, my decision seemed crazy, but to me it was worth it to be free from the fear of failure that haunted me.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I didn’t decide to quit and went forward with competing at the Area level- a privilege I had earned but didn’t feel worthy of. What a perfect example of imposter syndrome.

Would I have advanced past Area? Would I have continued to run track for the rest of my high school career? Would I have pursued running in college?

Of course, everything happens for a reason and my decision to quit allowed me to develop a better relationship with food and exercise and invest more time into academics and extracurriculars like FFA.

I needed a break from what I thought defined me and what I thought mattered most. Sure, competing would have earned me another medal maybe, but the gold wasn’t worth another day of anxiety and fear of not measuring up. In a sense, I was losing my soul to the standards I had put on myself. It wasn’t worth it, just like Matthew 16:26 says.

There are many times in my life I wish I could go back to and change my mindset and actively fight to maintain the condition of my heart, mind, and soul. I wish I could help myself see that grit and grace go together quite well.

Still, I know I must not regret who I was in the past because if I wasn’t that person before, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I must choose to find worth in the experiences that brought me here.

look at me bringing back quotes from my podcast days :)

As a 19 year old now and reading Matthew 16:26, I am encouraged to examine my life and see the ways I continue to "lose my soul" in a sense.

I find it quite ironic how quick we are to guard our possessions and ego when they’re in jeopardy, but how slow we are to run to Jesus when our soul feels weary and in need of rest.

I can’t count how many times I finally made time to sit and read God’s word, a devotional, or send up a prayer at the end of the day and felt a peace that left me wondering why I didn’t decide to hand Him my burdens earlier.

Comparison = Calamity

For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

James 3:16 (NLT)

In this season of life, I find myself desiring to throw my burdens at Jesus’ feet. The counterfeit control that valuing exercise, healthy eating, academics, and social status over my faith gives me just isn't cutting it.

Jesus came to give me an abundant life, and it’s exhausting to let anything but Jesus define me.

When my eyes shift from Jesus to the world, I’m left feeling discouraged, discontent, and dissatisfied with where I am in life. Yet, when I look at my life in light of what Jesus says about me, I feel confident, calm, and comforted.

It’s so important to not compare ourselves to others, and the Lord is continuously reminding me of this day after day.

Even my twin sister and I are not worthy of comparison. In fact, we’ve found that comparing ourselves to each other only ends in calamity. If the two of us- who have the same parents, same house, and same career aspirations- have found comparison to be counterproductive, then you certainly have no room comparing yourself to anyone you likely have much less in common with.

Fleeting Fortune

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.

Isaiah 40:8 (NIV)

In addition to being guilty of desiring what someone else has, I think today’s society also has an issue with holding on too tightly to what we do have.

This topic brings me back to a conversation between Breanna and I during our senior year of high school. We had just been asked to be a part of a promotional film for the Texas FFA Foundation. As seniors with lots of awards under our belts, I guess you could say we were at the peak of our FFA career.

When leaving school one day, Breanna expressed that though this was a great opportunity, she sometimes feared the day we would lose “relevance” per se within the organization- i.e. the day our success would run out.

I agreed that this was a fear of mine too. We had done so much, yet still had other goals to meet. What would happen when the awe of our accomplishments wore off, and what would we do if we were unable to achieve our future goals?

Have you ever felt like this? A sense of grief of losing something that’s not even gone yet.

I’m confident you have.

Maybe you feel as if you’re at the peak of your fitness journey and worried what will happen if you’re not able to maintain a certain physique.

Maybe you’ve poured so much of your time and energy into being a parent that you don’t know what you’ll do once your kids grow up.

Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for so long that you honestly don’t know who you’d be without them in your life.

I don’t know what your specific situation is or what you feel defines you, but I do know that these feelings, though understandable, may be indications that something is amiss in our hearts.

Of course, we know these things are fleeting. No matter how hard we try to prevent it, our bodies will change, kids will grow up, relationships will end, etc.

This is in distinct contrast, though, with the Lord and His word.

And so I hope we can find a balance between stewarding our worldly responsibilities and aiming to achieve feats of eternal significance.

May we understand that when we have an undivided heart for the Lord, He is sure to give us everything we need in each season.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

We can rest assured that if that job, leadership position, relationship, or __________ were a good thing for us in this season, He’d give it to us. Furthermore, if those things are meant to stay in our lives, they will- without our manipulation.

I’m reading Grace Valentine's new book called What Will They Think? and was so encouraged by her words:

Be bold enough to wait for God’s will. Don’t settle along the way for a mediocre story written by a doubtful you.

I love that she encourages her readers to “choose trust and boldness over trying to write the story God has already written.”

This week, I hope you choose to make a better transaction than maybe you have been lately.

Instead of accepting the devil's lies in exchange for your joy, I hope you surrender your idols to the Lord in exchange for His peace. 

I am FAR from perfect at pretty much every single concept in this post, but that’s not the point.

I wrote this to encourage and challenge myself just as much as I wrote it for you.

Here's a prayer for the both of us!

Jesus, we so easily exchange the happy and healthy soul that You want us to have for temporary feelings of control that inevitably leave us feeling insecure, fearful, and lacking.

Show us how to accept Your better exchange-- the one where we give You everything, and You give us back exactly what we need in due time.

You know there will be times where we slip up and prioritize earthly treasures over the condition of our heart and soul. In these moments, help us accept Your forgiveness which stretches as far as the east is from the west. Help us rejoice in the fact that Your power shines brightest against the backdrop of our brokenness.

May we pursue You in a way that allows “It is well with my soul” to be our daily anthem. Thank you for the new mercies You offer every morning.

Amen

❥psalm 103:12

❥ 2 corinthians 12:9

❥psalm 46:1-3

❥lamentations 3:22-23

much love,

bailee chavez.