How Will I Be Okay?
- Bailee Chavez
- Aug 6, 2023
- 8 min read
Happy Sunday! It’s officially August, which is crazy. I can’t believe summer is winding down/coming to a close soon. It has gone by both slow and fast. This summer has been filled with some good and some hard moments. I have completed summer class work, dove head first into my hobbies through posting consistently on my podcast & blog + starting a craft business, worked out, played tennis, watched tv, read, volunteered, and been surprisingly busy with planning events for extracurriculars at TAMU. There have been busy moments, but there have also been many slow moments. And, of course, I have done my fair share of worrying, crying, laughing, being happy, & everything in between.
What I have learned is that life will not always be filled to the brim with experiences and activities. At some point, you will have downtime, and how you fill that downtime says a lot about who you are. Like I said, although I have historically had a negative relationship with free time, I do believe that God meets me in my leisure. Usually when things get quiet, my mind can easily be filled with anxious thoughts and I find myself searching for ways to manage.
What can I turn to?
What will always be there for me?
Who am I?
How can I be accepted?
Who can I trust?
What is life all about?As I run through this list and attempt to answer using things of the world, I soon realize that nothing in this world is 100% reliable. I have found nothing absolutely foolproof like God is.
I am a person that thinks about the future a lot. I especially think about how what I am doing now will impact the quality of my future. Of course, I want to make sure that the things I am using to manage my stress are sustainable for the long-term. I don't want to put my security in things that are fleeting.
Let’s run through a list of potential coping strategies/things that may help ease stress.
Hobbies
Access to hobbies isn’t always guaranteed & neither is interest. You may get bored or tired of them!
Community
Being around other people can be life-giving, but you will eventually have to face being alone at some point! Furthermore, other people may not always be available & may not deliver the comfort, reassurance, or support you need. We are all human & broken!
Career
People have built super successful businesses, yet still have not been satisfied. Financial security is great, but money can’t buy happiness. Many of the richest people are not really happy.
Exercise/Healthy Eating
You will hear people say that movement is medicine & that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Movement and healthy eating can be a form of medicine and are absolutely a part of a healthy lifestyle. However, access to exercise can be taken away through limited resources or even physical injury. And it can become an idol for many people. It doesn’t matter how fit or skinny you are or what perfect routine you have- you can still be unhappy. Having the perfect body won’t fix all your problems and, as much as you may not want to believe it, you don’t want to be loved just for your looks.
I am thankful to be learning this now at this stage of my life.
After listening to podcasts and other social media content, I have learned that a preoccupation with looks is something that doesn’t always go away with age or even a better physique. It is easy to think that once you have a significant other to tell you you’re beautiful, have children to care for to take your mind off things, or become an adult that you won’t struggle with these negative thoughts or emotions.
It is absolutely important to be healthy and have healthy habits, but this, too, is a shaky thing to build your wellbeing on. Even the healthiest people still experience problems & those with the best habits can get injuries, have bad body image days, develop chronic illness, etc.
I have heard stories of women who found out they were pregnant only to have intense anxiety around how their body would change because they had put so much of their worth there.
I recently heard a story about a woman who said that when she was battling cancer and couldn’t exercise intensely anymore. Her form of anxiety control was taken away from her & she relapsed back into her eating disorder- something she never thought could happen.
You see, when you idolize anything other than God himself, it can turn on you.
In my own journey with anxiety, I have found that everything besides Jesus is a bandaid. Certainty & control are a lie. This is why even when I have been the busiest, most successful, most social, or most lean, peace was not always present. Because in the back of my mind, I knew I couldn’t put my full satisfaction there since these things aren’t always promised + are fleeting.
And so valid questions arise - “Where CAN I put my hope? How can I be ‘okay?’ ”
What I can tell you in just a couple words is that Jesus is the answer to the life you need.
It is only in Him that I can find the courage to let go of things, even those things that I love, because I trust that He withholds no good thing.
It is only in Him that I can find the courage to stop running from problems and believing the lie that the external can fix the internal. I find it interesting that Paul found himself in a prison cell and still said he had freedom.
It is only in Him that I can find the bravery to stop comparing myself to others because I know I was uniquely created.
It is only in Him that I can walk forward- understanding that there is grace for the past, grace for the future, and the gift of a sound mind to navigate the obstacles, failures, and disappointments that may come in the future without condemnation or ungodly guilt.
It is only in Him that I find the unconditional, perfect love that my soul needs.
And maybe I could do these things without His help- but on what basis would I stand? What offers the everlasting security that Christ does?
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One thing that I am learning is that God created our body holistically. He gave us a body, mind, soul, and spirit. And He desires all those things to work in harmony together.
Maybe you struggle with chronic negative thinking & you’ve made changes to your life yet these thoughts still persist.
Maybe you know what God says about you and your life, but you just can’t seem to believe it or let it bring you peace.
I don’t think these scenarios are unusual. In fact, they are many people’s stories.
When we have negative thoughts, we tend to enter into a state of anxiety or stress. The mistake that many people make is that if we simply change our thoughts or remove negative thinking, we will all of a sudden stop feeling anxiety.
Thought based approaches like affirmations can certainly be helpful but only if we also address the underlying problem, which is supporting our nervous system to switch out of its stressed state.
The stressful state that our nervous system enters during an anxious spell produces and supports negative thoughts. This is why if you’re having a really stressful week at home all of a sudden, your negative thoughts start to get louder & it’s almost like you can’t escape them. Whereas on a day when you’re feeling peaceful and grounded in life, you find that negative thoughts are less frequent and less intense. Instead of focusing on eradicating negative thoughts & having thought based approaches, we should work on supporting our nervous system to shift out of a state of stress and into a state of safety & activating our ventral vagal nervous system. So this approach supports our body from the inside out instead of just band-aiding the situation and trying to fix our thoughts. We can teach our bodies to be in a calm state where negative thoughts don’t thrive, and we are in a position to accept & believe God's truth.
I am still learning about this topic and am excited to learn more about how psychology and neuroscience supports the biblical principle that peace can be accessed regardless of your external circumstances & before you achieve or gain anything else. Maybe less really is more.
Here are some ideas for you this week because who doesn't need more tools to help cope with anxiety? The more tools you have, the more resilient you can be.
12 Ways to Create Ventral Vagal Calm
Prolonged Exhale: Taking a long out-breath is one of the fastest ways to create calm in your vagus nerve. Breathe in through your nose and do a prolonged exhalation through your mouth.
Cold Water: If you are feeling anxious or shut down, splash cold water on your face. Or, place an ice cube on your face, anywhere from your lips to your scalp line.
Butterfly Hug: Hug yourself. Wrap your arms around your body and place each hand on your opposite shoulder. Pat one shoulder and then the other until you feel calm.
Sing or Hum: The muscles in the back of your throat activate the vagus nerve as they move.
Gargle: Another way to stimulate the muscles in the back of your throat is to gargle water until your eyes start to water.
Chanting and Humming: Chant "OM" vibrates the throat and creates ventral vagal calm. Humming is also helpful.
Meditation: Try brain wave meditation
Laughing: Watch feel-good movies and laugh with your loved ones.
Inspirational Reading: When you are feeling fearful, angry, sad, or hopeless, it helps to have a collection of inspirational books to read.
Prayer: Pray to your higher power, and ask for healing support.
Loving Social Engagement: Touch and hug a loved one.
Yoga: Try the Sun Salutation yoga sequence.
Slow moments have previously made my skin crawl. But this summer, I have learned the value of breathing into the quiet moments & not being afraid of them. In fact, I have become grateful for them. I have even found that the best work comes from the slow, quiet moments where you have time to breathe, think, laugh, process, and plan. This has been true for me in my writing, crafting, academics, and especially my faith.
And because I am learning to be okay with stillness & quietness- knowing that I can never out exercise, outwork, or over-schedule my way out of anxiety- I am learning how to manage my anxiety for real. Though it is hard now, it will make life in the future so much easier. And I’m very grateful to be doing it with Jesus. Though the journey to finding that only He can be my foundation has been painful- I know that any pain I feel cannot compare to joy that’s coming as I continue to pursue Jesus here on Earth and then live in eternity with him in Heaven (Romans 8:28) .
So, on this quiet Sunday afternoon, I am okay. Because I am letting Jesus be enough for me here.
This week’s fav accounts:
This week’s fav songs:
- Only Ever by Alive City
- Quiet by Elevation Rhythm
- Life is Good by Courtney Ramirez, Apollo LTD
talk to y'all next week !!
- bailee chavez
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