Decoding Divinity
- Breanna Chavez
- Jun 3
- 7 min read
Hi friends!
What an honor and a delight to be writing to you today. It’s officially June! Whoop! June is my favorite month because it’s my birth month!!!
Although I love light-hearted reads, today’s post is going to be a bit heavier. I always hesitate to share my struggles with mental health because I know there is such a stigma around it, even within my own family. I get it. I see both sides. But, if I can help one person get through another day and/or decide life is still worth living, then I want to do just that.
eating disorder trigger warning. Guard your heart & mind when reading this part or skip if it won’t be helpful for your journey
Everyone struggles with something. In fact, just this morning I was listening to a podcast by Girls Gone Bible where co-host Angela shared about her struggles with bulimia. She revealed that she felt so much shame that she couldn’t even really say the words “throw up” when describing her experience. I relate to this with my struggles with anxiety and insomnia. It’s extremely vulnerable and sometimes embarrassing to be honest about the details of my struggles.
But, as Selena Gomez said in her song Vulnerable, “I’ll stay vulnerable.” Not because of my strength, but because in my weakness, I can boast all the more gladly in the Lord.
Bailee reposted a Tiktok the other day that said “Don’t compare where God has you to where the devil has someone else.”
These words hold so much weight because you never know what someone is struggling with. For example, that girl from the podcast I referenced earlier- she’s gorgeous! I’m sure many girls compare themself to her. Meanwhile, she is fighting some serious demons.
I’ll share an example from my own life related to my anxiety and insomnia. Last spring, my anatomy lab was at 8 o’clock every Wednesday morning. My sleep struggle had just begun. Terrified that I would sleep through my alarm, I would wake up way earlier than necessary. Equally terrified that I would do poorly on my quiz, I would use that extra time to study. This all sounds great… until I’m completely dependent on caffeine to function and cannot sleep more than 4 hours at a time. Long story short, my wake time got earlier and earlier. This had a myriad of effects on my energy levels, eating habits, and emotional stability. One positive thing that came out of this was that I always had my hair and makeup done for lab. Most girls rolled in in sweats and no makeup, while Bailee and I had full-faces and perfectly straight or curled locks. Unfortunately, there weren’t any cute guys to appreciate our appearance, so the most we got was confused looks from the girls in our group. My friend finally said, “I don’t understand how yall do it. I can barely get here on time with zero makeup on.”
“DON'T compare yourself to me,” I wanted to say. Instead, I just laughed it off, not having words (or courage) at the time to explain what I was going through. Although I may have looked pretty on the outside, I felt like death on the inside.
The truth is- the world has no shortage of difficulties. No need to be envious of others because each blessing has burden, even if it’s not broadcasted.
On the way to work this morning, I heard the song decode by Sabrina Carpenter. Here are some of the lyrics:
You're good at impersonating someone who cares
And you had me for a minute there
But now I wonder why
I let your confusion keep me up at night
I'm so tired
Re-read every single undertone and I
Over analyzed it
Front, back and beside it
Where else can we go?
There's nothing left here to decode
She’s referring to a boy, but from a spiritual perspective, this song could also refer to the way satan tries to deceive us. Satan tries to convince us that he cares about us and does his very best to help us harm ourselves, convincing us that if we take matters into our own hands, we will find what we are looking for.
What are we looking for- you might ask? Though a lot of people don’t realize it, they are looking for God.
“No”- you might be thinking. I’m looking for financial, academic, or relational success. Spoiler alert- God is the creator and sustainer of everything you desire. Anything good on this earth is just a glimpse into His eternal glory.
Without God, you’re pretty much hopeless. With God, however, you have the hope of Heaven. You have purpose in your pain. You have a reason to sing. Each and everyday you get the chance to bring Heaven to earth. You get the chance to make God proud. And let me tell you, there is nothing more fulfilling than that.
I remember after I gave my Valedictorian speech, I felt a deep sense of joy that is hard to explain. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, my mom commented how I basically gave an altar call at the end of my speech. I remember my dad saying how most people would’ve been so nervous to stand up there in front of so many people and how God was very proud of me.
Truly, God being proud of me meant more than anything else.
Flash forward five years later during a meeting with my counselor. (Click here to read about how God gifted me the perfect counselor). After listening to my brain dump, she said, “I hear a comparison piece. I know you’re really proud of everything you’ve accomplished and how well you did in college, and it’s not like you regret those things, but it's almost like maybe you have regret over lost experiences.”
A few things about this statement stood out. For one, the comparison piece. Like I mentioned earlier, you never know the struggles someone is facing. The very first blog post Bailee wrote was over comparison. She posted that on June 14, 2021, and here I am on June 3, 2025, writing on the topic once again. In the post, Bailee discussed a poll she put on her Instagram story. For old time’s sake, let’s run it back!
When comparing yourself to those around you, what do you usually envy about them the most?
their intellect
their talent
their intellect
their character
I’ve envied others for all of the reasons above. In school, I envied others’ intellect. In FFA and cheer, I envied others’ talent. In life, I envy others’ beauty. In church, I envy others’ character. Go read Bailee’s post to learn the antidote to all this comparison.
My counselor’s comment about the pride I must feel regarding my accomplishments also stood out to me. I’m not sure if proud would be the word I would use. Instead, I would exchange it for gratitude. In my college graduation Instagram caption I said, “I cannot take credit for the attainment of this degree because I ran out of strength more times than I can count. But when I did, my Heavenly Father ALWAYS showed up, providing me with exactly what I needed. My heart is filled with gratitude.”
Yes, I worked super hard, but there were several strings God Himself had to pull to piece my resume together. I was unqualified, but He qualified me to now fulfill my calling- which is to spread His word through nutrition, psychology, academic, and lifestyle related-content.
The last piece I’ll touch on is the regret she alluded to. It’s impossible for me to categorize my college experience into good or bad, for it was a beautifully broken mix of both. And that’s okay. I’m flawed just like every other person who has ever lived. Some people’s college regrets include boys and beer, mine include studying and staying in. Perhaps, I got the lesser of the two evils.
The temptation might be for you to look back at your past and try to decode every single thing that’s ever happened to you. You could spend the rest of your life trying to figure out why you struggle with certain things, why bad things happen to good people, and why you can’t seem to shake the sins you so desperately want to be free from.
Yes, there is certainly a time and a place to address the issues that plague your life (that’s what counseling, discipleship, and medical/psychological attention are for), but your heart doesn’t have to be weighed down by it all. Rather than dwelling on the difficulties of life, Christ offers us another alternative: meditating on His word.
We can try to decode our difficulties, looking front, back and beside them as Sabrina says, or we can swift our focus to decoding the divine. Although there is a time and place for both, the latter option is just as, if not more important than the first. We can open God’s word, look at it at different angles like we would a diamond, and let it illuminate the parts of our story that God intends to use to bring Heaven to earth.
I am in no way trying to dismiss the terrible trials people sadly face. This post is more for the person who is tired of trying to figure everything out. Spoiler alert, everything points back to the garden. Sometimes, the only thing left to do is throw up your hands and surrender your story to the Lord, having faith that He will use it for good, someway, somehow, even if you can’t see that right now.
On a practical level, one way you can implement the concept of decoding divinity on a daily basis is by approaching the day with the following perspective: “I can’t wait to see how God provides for me today.” Please, seek healing and restoration, but when you get tired of the fight or perhaps there’s no one to help right at this moment, know that God can, will, and is fighting for you.
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