But Why?

Howdy friends!

Today is Wednesday, and typically by this point in the week, I am done with all my major responsibilities. But as luck would have it, I'm actually not done this week. I have an Anatomy exam tomorrow, biochemistry videos I have yet to watch, and a slideshow presentation to create. But I am taking time to write this post this evening because I really need to get my thoughts out, and hopefully, it can be an encouragement to you.

As Bailee and I were walking back from class today, we both agreed that this semester may just be the hardest we've ever had. I still think my first semester of college and the fall semester of sophomore year were incredibly difficult, but this semester is definitely in the top 3 most challenging.

I saw a TikTok the other day in which a girl was asking yourself why she is intentionally putting herself through such rigorous coursework when literally no one is making her do so. I often feel the same way. I could've majored in literally anything, but I chose nutrition. Why? Because God led me here. And I'm so thankful He did because I've grown to love the field, and I know I have a very unique and valuable perspective to serve my future clients with.

However, like I said, this semester has been challenging. Something I've been struggling with is choices. There are so many choices to make in college. This semester I have felt the pressure to choose between two of my biggest "passions" you could say: academic excellence and physical appearance. For example, when faced with a free evening, I often find myself unsure whether I should spend my time curling my hair, working out, or studying. Although these choices may seem trivial, I am someone who values efficiency, and I always desire to make the "right" choice. Furthermore, I fear the immense guilt I will feel if I make the "wrong" choice. Several times this semester, I've had to choose the option that is not what I actually want to do in the moment. Although I may want to go workout, I know my time would be better spent studying for an upcoming exam. Other times, going to workout is actually an act of faith because it takes courage to do something for myself before I feel like I "deserve" to do so. Regardless of the choice I make, I spend a lot of time searching for justification or the why

behind my actions. God was gracious enough to show me my why today through a presentation and a podcast.

One class we are required to take as part of the DPD program here at A&M has guest speakers every week. This week a woman came to talk about advocacy in nutrition. She asked why we got into nutrition because it's clearly not because we are chasing those dollar signs if you know what I mean. The class came to the conclusion that it's because we care- so much so that we are willing to trade a life of comfortability and ease for difficult coursework and late-night study sessions just so we can get the credentials we need to care for our future clients. Right now, I'm doing the hard work necessary for me to be able to sit across the table from an eating disorder patient, look her in the eyes, tell her my story, and tell her that she is worth more than what the voices in her head are telling her. I am sacrificing my Friday evenings to go to a lab where I am learning how to screen for malnutrition so I can ensure the future cancer patients I serve are adequately nourished. I am going to suffer through my anatomy exam tomorrow so I can one day talk to women about how to nourish their bodies and scientifically explain to an expecting mother what is happening to her body and hormones.

The latest podcast episode of Call Her Holy also spoke to this point. In the episode titled "Advice to the Girl Whose Body Has Changed", Laura shared some truths that really touched me. Here are some one-liners (or a little more than one-liners) that hit me hard.

• "Did God create today for you to feel good about yourself?" Spoiler alert. The answer is no. There are SO many days where I feel unworthy because I didn't get as much done as I wanted to. I'm always amazed, however, that God shows up for me again and again, somehow renewing my spirit and giving me the strength to continue forward. Why does He do this? Because His purpose for us is far beyond what our feeble human selves can feel and see. To Him, we are priceless regardless of our productivity.
  

• [In the context of motherhood]: "Your body decays at the same moment that your value to humanity increases" (aka having a child). Even though I am obviously not a mother yet, I often think and pray for my future family. If I'm being honest, I also worry about how I am going to handle the inevitable changes in my body and lifestyle when the time comes. When/if I get what I am praying for (a husband & kids), it's not all going to be easy. Getting married will mean I won't live with my parents or my sister anymore. It will mean that I will be in charge of keeping a house clean, cooking most of the meals, and doing laundry. It will require me to lay down the life that I have always known to build a new one with someone else. Although exciting, it'll also be incredibly scary. And that's just getting married. Even more changes physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually come with becoming a mother (or so I've heard). Though it's tempting to cling to who I am today as a twenty-year-old in college, I know that the Lord has new seasons ahead of me. So I want to continually ask myself, "What does God deem desirable?" Furthermore, I want to reflect on whether I'm living for my "well done my good and faithful servant", or am I living for the approval of others- whether it be a boy, my professors, my family, my friends, etc. It's more than okay to dream about your future, but don't believe the lie that your joy is dependent on an external circumstance. On the other hand, don't cling so tightly to old patterns (especially if they are unhealthy) that you are unwilling to step into the new season God has for you. Emma Mae Jenkins once shared a piece of advice her mom gave her: "Don't repeat seasons." I think this is wise advice, as God is always doing a new thing.
  

• "What is the narrative that I am creating for other people? Am I playing into the unrealistic standard . . . or am I raising my hand saying 'Follow me as I follow Jesus.'" I have been personally convicted by this last bullet point. I'll give you an example. This semester I've found joy in putting myself together and looking pretty (by my standards anyway.) It's stress relieving, and I feel better when I feel like I look better. However, that also means that I feel worse when I look worse.

This has been true for me since I was a little girl. I literally used to cry if I had a bad hair day or if my eyelashes weren't curling the way I thought they should back in middle school.

If I'm honest, I love looking like I have it all together even if I really don't.

You see, you never know what lies below the surface. A person's physical appearance has nothing to do with the condition of their heart. I love that the Lord prioritizes our souls and our ability to serve others over all else. Would it be easier for me to spend most of my moments perfecting my outward image? Yes. But is this what God wants me to do? Absolutely not. In fact, He calls us to do the exact opposite.

Proverbs 31:30- Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Peter 3:3-4- Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

I hope you can reflect on these concepts the next time you ask yourself "why". Why you should choose recovery from an eating disorder, why you are suffering through your schooling, or why you are going to work every day. God never called us to easy work; He called us to holy work.

And for the girl who fears making the wrong choice because she is afraid the guilt, regret, and shame she might feel, I want to remind you that there is grace. An episode of Mornings with the Masters I just listened to says this, "God has freed you from the guilt of regret that may be causing you anxiety. . . . Guilt can suck the life out of your soul, but grace restores that life and allows you to trust God's forgiveness. The result is the ability to rejoice, unhindered, confident in God's sovereignty."

The podcast (titled Anxiety, Stress, & Worry Are Not Helping You) also pointed out that God cares more about you than you care about you. That's a lot because I don't know about you, but I worry about myself a lot.

Through our breaking, He breathes new life. And we get to use that breath to speak life into other people and set them free.

I hope your why is rooted in Jesus. It's the only why that matters both in this life and in the life to come.

Much love,

Breanna Chavez