Big Sis Chat With Bre

Hello friends!

Something I’ve been reflecting on lately is the fact that we are all entrepreneurs, even if we don’t have our own businesses. It sounds weird, but think about it. God gave us dominion over the land and the animals as well as free will. Of course, we have biblical principles to follow as well the command to steward our blessings well, but we really do have autonomy over what we make of our lives. We can always rest in the fact that the Lord is sovereign and is constantly working on our behalf- turning hearts, clearing paths, and bringing forth blessings - but he gives us the ability to partner with Him in bringing Heaven to earth. How cool, right?

Here is a sermon I watched recently that was very inspiring to me. It’s very old, but Sadie Robertson recommended it, so you know I watched it. 

https://youtu.be/XDNn_LGlK7w?si=imQ5YelHVpcmevPm

Today, we’ll be having another REALationship chat. I want to talk about some topics I know very well: 

Singleness, Sadness, and Sisterhood

First up is singleness. I saw a TikTok the other day that said if you’ve been single for 4 years, you have earned your bachelor’s degree in singleness. If that’s the case, then your girl at least has a PhD seeing as how I’ve been single my whole life LOL. 

I like to make jokes about it, but in all honesty, it is really hard sometimes, and that’s okay to admit. A lot of things in life are hard. Here is an excerpt from a book I'm reading called, "Lord, Change My Attitude: Before It's Too Late" by James Macdonald.

God has entrusted to every person a measure of adversity. You have a measure of adversity, and do so I. Just the right amount to accomplish the eternal purposes of God in our lives. Your measure of adversity is like no one else's. . . For some people, the adversity is a health siutation, And for others, it's a struggling career and continuous job changes. And for others, a family tragedy happened years ago, and now they have to shoulder an incredible weight of responsibility that seems grossly unfair and unbearable. Some made a very poor decision early in life and their marriage fell apart, and now they struggle with blended families and the consequences of those choices. Whatever that measure of adversity is, it's your 'cross' to carry. I hurt for friends who want to be parents, yet God has not allowed them, up to this point, to have children. Some long to be married, yet God has not provided the right mate. I could go on and on with examples. But hear this: Every one of us has a measure of adversity, and God Himself is the one who measured it out.

I’ve been reading through Psalms and felt like two verses from Psalm 130 really spoke to what it feels like being single. Verses 5 and 6 say this: 

"I wait for the Lord,

my whole being waits,

and in his word, I put my hope.

I wait for the Lord

more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning."

Marriage is a mirror of God’s love for a reason. Although I am eagerly waiting for the time when it will be my turn to wear white and walk down the aisle, on a deeper level, I am actually yearning for Christ and the total redemption of the world. 

Romans 8:22-23 says this:

 "We know that the whole creation has been groaning together as it suffers together the pains of labor, and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies."

It’s a beautiful thing that although we know it won’t be perfect, many of us still desire a relationship and ultimately marriage. Even though we know our future husbands won’t be perfect, we are still excited to meet them one day. 

This is much like how God loves us. Even though He knew we could never be perfect and would undoubtedly fail Him, He still chose us. 

Singleness can sometimes drive us to sadness. There’s a few points I want to make about this feeling.

Number one, it’s not a bad thing. It is simply another emotion. It’s part of the human experience just like happiness, fear, embarrassment, and all the other emotions. In fact, God has some good things to say about sadness, and there are many psalms that can help you feel less alone in your situation (like the psalm I mentioned above). 

Matthew 5:4:

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Psalms 30:5

"Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

It’s important to realize that marriage will not cure your sadness. Unfortunately, you will never be immune to the emotion. Yes, your engagement season and wedding day will likely be some of the most joyful days of your life, but when the newness wears off and the mundane sets in, sadness will return at one point or another. 

This is in no way meant to discourage you. In fact, it’s meant to encourage you that no matter your relationship status, the fullness of joy is available to you through your relationship with Christ. 

I have friends who are married and friends who are engaged, and they still struggle even though they are in the season of life that us single girls long for. As I said in my Valedictorian speech,

“There will always be something to worry about in life, joy is a choice, and it’s not your circumstances. I'm afraid that many of us, myself included, have rushed towards graduation in hopes that after tonight, all of our problems will finally be solved.”

See what I mean? When I was in high school, I thought graduating & obtaining a full-ride scholarship was the answer to my problems. Now, I'm tempted to think that getting married is the answer to my problems. The finish line is always moving. 

I think the best remedy for sadness is surrender. 

Lauren Daigle says it best in her song Trust in You"

“Letting go of every single dream

I lay each one of them at your feet

Every moment of my wondering 

Never changes what you see

I tried to win this war I confess

My hands are weary, I need your rest

Mighty warrior, King of the Fight

No matter what I face your by my side 

When you don’t move the mountain

I’m needing you to move

When you don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through

When you don’t give the answer

As I cry out to you

I will trust

I will trust 

I will trust in You.”

I vividly remember singing this song in high school and imagining myself handing over my desires to be Valedictorian, to win state, to win nationals, to earn the Terry Scholarship, etc.

And here I am today, doing the same thing with my desire to be a wife. And one day, I’ll probably be doing the same with my desire to be a mom. 

Now what? Well, after you surrender, I say it’s time to celebrate! Celebrate what IS going on in your life and the lives of those around you. 

• Did someone you know just get married or get asked out on a date? 

• Is someone about to graduate or hit a big milestone at work?

• Did your coffee taste extra good this morning, or did your favorite song play on the radio?

• Do you have siblings, cousins, parents, or mentors that you can praise God for? 

These are all things to celebrate!! You can even celebrate your desire to be married because it’s proof that we serve a loving God, and one day we will be reunited with Him as the bride of Christ.

I’ve recently come to the realization that I don’t praise God enough. Chances are you don’t either. I'm really good about telling God what I want and bringing Him my worries, but my praises tend to be short-lived. Brandon Lake says in best in his song called Gratitude: 

"All my words fall short I got nothing new

How could I express all my gratitude?

I could sing these songs as I often do

But every song must end And You never do

So I throw up my hands and praise You again and again

'Cause all that I have is a hallelujah

And I know it's not much

But I've nothing else fit for a King

Except for a heart singing hallelujah"

After you get done celebrating, then you are in the perfect mindset to get back to the work that the Lord called you to. This could look like studying for your test, doing your homework, being a good daughter, friend, or coworker. 

I’ll end by talking about sisterhood.

I’ll be the first to say that Bailee gets on my last nerve sometimes, but I cannot dismiss the blessing of friendship I have with her. I literally get to see with my own eyes the verse that talks about how two are stronger than one, for if one of them falls down, the other is there to lift them up. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

I love how verse 12 talks about how a cord of three strands is even stronger than two. Bailee and I have seen this to be true with our friendships. We’ve tried to be diligent about maintaining Godly friendships, and it has led to so much joy and encouragement in our lives. To have Godly friends and mentors is to have a plethora of knowledge and wisdom just a text message, phone call, or meet up away.

Navigating life as difficult, and bearing the name of Jesus is a big responsibility. My best advice would be to invite God into this journey, seek wise counsel, and cultivate healthy friendships. All of this will take intentionality and will require you to get outside of your comfort zone, but it will be worth it.

Will you do it perfectly? Nope. No one has. Fortunately, God gives us an abundance of grace and has a way of bringing beauty from even the most broken situations.

I’m praying for you, friend, and trust me when I say we’re in this together! 

Love, 

Breanna Chavez