Ballad of a Burnt Out 20 year old

These are just some of my thoughts as a 20-year-old in college who thinks more deeply about things than most. Hope you enjoy 😝 (The title of this blog is inspired by an Olivia Rodrigo song btw haha)

What Biochem has taught me

Your feelings are 99% not correct. You cannot trust the loud emotions you are feeling. Listen to the soft whisper of the Lord. Nearly every week, I’d hear the Lord softly whisper the truth in my ear. This week, I felt Him saying to me, “Breanna, you are smart.” Sophomore year of high school was the first time I remember hearing the lie that I am not smart. I was riding in the car home from school, and I had just taken an English 2 quiz and had done really well. It was so weird. I was first in my class, yet I genuinely did not feel “smart.” It was such an odd feeling. Everyone labeled me as smart, but I didn’t feel smart. “What does smart even mean?” I thought. It’s not like I was born with an abundance of knowledge inside my head; I have to work to learn things just like everyone else. 

This feeling subsided as I continued to prove myself through senior year of high school, but it resurfaced once I came to college. Even before I set foot on campus, I remember crying one night in my bedroom, being tormented with thoughts that I was going to make bad grades. You see, the devil torments us with half-truths. Have I made some bad grades in college? Yes. But am I still successful? Also yes. The enemy will highlight your weaknesses, hoping you’ll forget that you have the same spirit inside of you that literally raised Christ from the dead. 

On the first day of biochem this semester, Dr. Carr said, “You don’t have to be a genius to pass this class; you just have to be a hard worker.” That is like music to my ears, as that’s been the anthem of my life for quite some time now. For example, Bailee and I were placed on the A team in basketball in 7th and 8th grade. Were we the best basketball players? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But the coaches continuously applauded us for being coachable and hard-working.

In the same way, I don’t think God is asking you to be the smartest, prettiest, most naturally-talented, or "best" person in the room. But you know what He is asking you to be? The kindest, most gentle, most selfless, person in the room. Although I don’t believe any of us were born more holy or even more smart than others, I do think each of us were born more prone to certain vices. This can be compared to how some people are naturally more good at math or science. Inevitably, though, everybody has something that they aren’t good at. Everybody has something that they have to work a little harder at. Don't let the enemy torment you with thoughts of worthlessness when Christ has already declared you priceless.

Following God’s commands

I recently listened to a “Becoming Something” podcast episode about following God’s commands in our world today. The podcast hosts often answer questions submitted by their Instagram followers. One question that was submitted read:  “What if I follow God’s commands, but I end up not getting what I want here on earth?” (paraphrased).  JP, the main host, responded that once we get to Heaven, we won’t be concerned about the thing we once desired here on earth. Instead, we’ll joyfully receive our crown of jewels and spend the rest of eternity praising our Lord and Savior and heavenly work. 

JP went on to say that the choice is ours. We have the choice of whether to follow God’s ways or not. And if we know the correct thing to do, yet we choose to do the opposite, we can actually just be honest with God and tell Him, “I would rather follow my own ways than your commandants.” When I think about it like this, it makes me take my sin more seriously because I really don’t want to have to look the Lord in the eyes and say, “I didn’t trust you; I chose my way over yours.”

Of course, there is grace for all of us. But allow this to be an encouragement to you to continue seeking righteousness. For me, it can be tempting to believe that after my schooling is over, I will be done learning. However, the truth is that my life-long goal is to become more like Jesus. Thus, when I graduate, Jesus will simply become my full-time teacher. (He should be anyways, but you get the picture:)) 

Bio change

Something I've been pondering lately is how me being born wasn’t even my idea. Sounds funny, but stick with me. Oftentimes the enemy tries to make it seem like everything is in my control and that anything that goes wrong is my fault. This is such a lie. I was God’s idea, and any sense of control I feel is so miniscule compared to the sovereignty of God. In His lovingkindness, He gives us free will and the ability to steward a life we love, but at the end of the day, He is in control, and we live in a broken world. We never know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know if cancer, a miscarriage, or a death in the family is in my future. But I do know that the Lord will be with me and that He desires for me to enjoy where I am right now. The enemy wants to divert our attention anywhere other than the present moment. He’ll have us looking backward with regret and forward with fear.

For the longest time, I’ve had the words “the best is yet to come” in my bio. This was inspired by a cup I purchased on my 18th birthday trip. To me, this quote symbolized that I wasn’t going to peak in high school and that my best days are ahead. Although I still believe that, I recently changed my bio to include the verse Philippians 4:8, which says:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Although I sincerely hope my future is filled with good things, worldly blessings in my life are not guaranteed. Sometimes, my circumstances aren’t going to be ideal. However, by developing a habit of seeking the good in whatever I am going through, I can be joyful no matter what. 

Wisdom From a Role Model

One of my FFA role models recently posted how she is going to law school at Yale. This got me thinking about my interactions with her, and I remembered that Bailee and I did a podcast with her. I listened to a portion of it where Artha explained that she perseveres through the difficulties of an opportunity if she knows the rewards will outweigh the stress and anxiety that come with it. For example, she chose to run for national office even though it was stressful because she knew the reward of influencing FFA members all across the state and nation would be worth it. This is such a gem of wisdom, and it voices my “why” behind persevering through the difficulties of college- because I know having a college degree and getting to serve clients far outweighs the difficulties I am facing now.

Link to episode with Artha: 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5dsiDXGbAUPTxONknSKBSB?si=T3Zhv8O6QKS6pJCc5Zm4zg&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A51YWVxnEwPCsgZ8kA1gmZc

Fun fact: Artha’s mom is a registered dietitian. What a God wink! Also, when I met Artha in person for the first time at the Texas FFA State Convention, she #1 knew which twin I was (Bailee wasn’t with me, and we both had highlights at the time; not to mention this wasn’t a planned interaction- I just happened to attend her workshop), and #2 she congratulated me on graduating as Valedictorian. Her intentionality was so impressive and inspiring to me. 

That’s all for now! Pray for me, as I’ll be speaking at my last Terry Scholar picnic next weekend, and I’m so excited and nervous hahah. My prayer is that the Lord would use my one minute of speaking to reach even the one person who desperately needs to see the light. 

Spring semesters typically go by quickly, but this semester has been so long. The good news is that it seems like I am going to live to tell the time of when I took biochemistry and anatomy at the same time. 😵‍💫 I have a lot to reflect on this semester. I think I did some things right and a lot of things wrong. Nevertheless, I did my best. The biggest thing I've learned is that when everything around me is up in the air, and I'm grasping for control, the safest place I can be is in the arms of my Heavenly Father. The same is true for you.

See you one last time next week!

Love, 

Breanna Chavez