Bailee's ED Recovery Journey & Tips
- Bailee Chavez
- Apr 2
- 8 min read
Hi everyone! Bailee here :)
I received a message the other day from someone asking for some ED recovery tips. I had been wanting to consolidate my thoughts for a while. Being asked specifically from a person currently living in the struggle gave me the motivation I needed to sit down and write out some of my best tips. I am including what I sent below.
This is a vulnerable topic for me but one that I am passionate about and interested in sharing more about.
Please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you have any comments or questions.
I’m not an expert, but I do have a lot to say regarding my personal experience.
Health is a broad spectrum, with negligence on one end and obsession on the other. People fall along this spectrum, but being too close to either extreme is not healthy.
This is my story. Feel free to take any tips from it that may be helpful on yours, wherever you may find yourself on the spectrum.
Keep in mind that this is a message I sent to someone, so it is formatted as such!
Listen to podcast version:
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How My ED Began
Okay, so unfortunately, during a lot of my undergrad, I dealt with an eating disorder. It started at the end of my freshman year of college. One thing about EDs is that they always have a purpose. In other words, they help meet a need in a person’s life. For me, my grades weren’t where I wanted them to be, and I remember feeling really insecure. I thought that if I couldn’t have perfect grades, I would just have to have something else. So I started eating less and exercising more.
I also struggled with an ED when I was about 13 and in the 7th grade. Those behaviors honestly weren’t completely gone until about my junior year of high school. As a 7th grader, I struggled with under-eating and over-exercising, so much so that I got a stress fracture in my foot.
I was able to recover both physically and mentally for the most part. I did start my period really late, at 17, which I think the ED had a lot to do with.
Going to college, I never expected to struggle with food again. But it did happen.
My Struggles in College
The summer after my freshman year of college was miserable because I was fighting with my mom about food and portion sizes all the time. She still served most of my meals, which didn’t help.
Sophomore year was the worst. I lost a lot of weight and my period because I had too little body fat. I didn’t know how to get out of the behaviors I was in, and to this day, I am still working on getting my period back regularly.
It was definitely an OCD and perfectionism thing. EDs are genuinely a mental illness, and because I know very few people in my personal life who have struggled to the extent that I did, it really felt like I was on my own.
Seeking Help & Professional Guidance
I did see the campus RD at TAMU. She’s great. She always gave excellent advice, but unfortunately, it didn’t help much. Even when I did what she said to fix the physical (like eating 3 meals and 3 snacks), ED recovery involves the spiritual and emotional aspects as well. So even when I met my physical goals of gaining weight and getting my period back, I would still slip into old behaviors because my mind was still broken.
Talking to her was comforting, though. She assured me that I wasn’t crazy and helped me scientifically understand why my body was struggling. You will need to make an appointment for the Nutrition Services by calling 979-458-8327 or emailing dietitian@shs.tamu.edu. Or you can go online to make appointments at: http://shs.tamu.edu/appointments/. The appointments are at Beutel on campus :)
My Lowest Point
It got to the point sophomore year where most of my days were focused on eating as little as possible. I couldn’t focus on school, and my grades were affected. But for some twisted reason, I felt like I was “winning” by listening to my ED. This wasn’t true at all, but it’s all a mental thing.
During Christmas break of sophomore year, I worked with an instructor I met at TAMU named Shannon Engle. From following her on social media, I learned about her weight gain and ED journey. She offered some helpful tips. Here’s a link to her Instagram page: Shannon Engle's Instagram.
The summer after sophomore year, I met with a counselor here at home. She doesn’t specialize in EDs. She’s an older lady who isn’t really accepting patients anymore.
Junior year of college, I wanted to work on getting my period back more regularly, so I used my insurance to have sessions with Kylie. Her blog is also really good: Imma Eat That.
With all these people, I can honestly say that they didn’t help me that much—not because their advice wasn’t sound, but because I wasn’t ready to listen or fully give it up or open my mind to change.
What Actually Helped Me Heal
The most healing has happened when I seek God myself. I will be honest: it is a battle you have to fight daily for a while. Here are some tips/thoughts that have helped me:
Make T-charts! Take some time to write down the lie and then the truth on the other side. Food noise in our brain can make things so jumbled. It helps to get it out of your head and onto paper so you can really see the truth of things.
Know you are not crazy. I think a lot of people have similar thoughts to what you have. But since you are a perfectionist, they mean a lot to you and seem worse than they really are.
Make sure your meals are satisfying. Restricting can make you hyper-fixate on food more. And if you are hungry, eat something! If not, maybe try some decaf coffee with stevia or a Clear American drink.
Distract yourself. You don’t have to address every intrusive thought. Honestly, the best thing sometimes is to not give any energy to them. Don’t let them stop you one bit. Just keep moving forward. Doing something physical like a chore or something with your hands is helpful. Use all your energy that you use to worry about something more positive.
View life as an experiment. I struggle with a black-and-white, good-and-bad mindset, so this view has been helpful. Just view your daily habits as you navigate your relationship with food as an experiment. Nothing is final. You are just seeing what works for you and what doesn’t. You have permission to change your actions as needed, and none of this has anything to do with how good or bad you are as a person.
Work on your nervous system. I used to think I needed to exercise for stress relief, but truly, if I’m feeling anxious, what I really need to do is sit in stillness, take deep breaths, and stretch if possible. I try to put my phone away and just focus on calming down. I also just sit and focus on God. I used to run from silence, but sitting in it and just being an observer of my thoughts while working on my breaths and slowing my heartbeat has been so helpful.
Don’t rely on other people’s validation. If you are waiting for someone to say the right thing to you, know that it is likely that only you know what you truly need to hear. No one knows your situation like you do. Listen to the Holy Spirit inside of you.
None of this has anything to do with your worth. You are an amazing person. From the moment I met you, I could see you had the joy of the Lord!
Give yourself permission to find joy/satisfaction in new things. Listen to new music, read, journal, etc. I like to think of worry as just energy. You just have to channel it into something more positive.
Rewrite the Rules. I know how it feels to be desperate for help—trapped by all these “rules” and rigid expectations around food. But the truth is, food rules are made up. As perfectionists, we crave a standard of being “good,” so when we create strict food rules and then try to break them, it feels impossible—like we’re failing. Lately, I’ve found more freedom by rewriting the rules. Instead of setting restrictions, I’ve made it a rule not to feel guilty about food. Shifting the focus from control to freedom makes all the difference.
Set a Goal. This summer, I set a goal to be in a better place—mentally and physically—by the time I took my graduation pictures. I wanted to look back at those photos and see me—healthy, strong, and free.
Find Role Models Who Reflect True Health. Surrounding yourself with people who have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies can be incredibly healing. Seeing real-life examples of balance and well-being helps reframe what true health looks like.
Healing Happens on His Terms. Healing isn’t about trying the hardest or following the “perfect” plan—it happens in God’s timing. One day, you’ll wake up, see your progress, and wonder how it even happened. That’s grace. That’s Him working, even in the moments when you weren’t striving. Understand and fully accept that God will take care of you in every life stage, regardless of your habits, appearance, etc.
This may seem like a big struggle now, but understand that you will overcome it. And unfortunately (but also fortunately), other struggles will come and take its place. But you will be able to cope with them better using the skills you learn through this experience.
Helpful Verses & More Resources
Here are some verses that might be helpful:
Romans 8:39 (NIV): "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV): "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
2 Corinthians 4:17 (ESV): "For our light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."
Romans 5:3-5 (ESV): "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
1 Samuel 16:7 (ESV): "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'"
My sister and I also run a blog, podcast, and Instagram page where we’ve talked about topics like this. I actually have a whole page dedicated to disordered eating:
Blog: Happiest Here
Blog ED page: Disordered Eating Page
Podcast: Spotify Podcast
Instagram: Happiest Here Instagram
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